20 thoughts on “Here’s to the Invisible People…and the Narcissists Who Made Them Disappear

  • May 28, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    Hello from West Virginia and thank you for your blog. Your words so eloquently describe the nightmare that was my childhood. That is a good thing, as through your writing, I am processing it, one blog at a time.

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  • May 28, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    Invisible is right, we disappear. The narcissist demands it and we prefer it, eventually,it is safer than being seen. Being seen = target.

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  • May 28, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Thank you for posting this. I was with someone like this for thirteen years. By the time I left I felt like I gave up everything just to avoid being called a fat, stupid, lazy whore. I am scared to have sex with someone new because all I can hear is his voice saying “you f*** like a dead fish”. It’s been four months and I can’t wait until my brain is free from his criticizms.

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    • May 31, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      Dear Paige, so glad you’re away from that luzer. Bet peewee was blaming you for his lack of… 😉 😉

      Reply
  • May 28, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    You are helping me thanks

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  • May 29, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    A Memorial Day Tribute.

    This Memorial Day weekend, I am reflecting on the concept of men and women who have loyally given up their lives, if only for a short time, to help secure the boundaries of this place we call home.

    When you think of the word home, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

    The first word that used to come to my mind was family. I believe in “concept of family.” Our survival as a human species depends on it. Without mother, father and children, we would cease to exist.

    I will cease to exist, as I have no offspring to carry on my genetics.
    My word is all I have left to hand down to the next generations.

    So now, while my father, a WWII Veteran, is living his last days and I am questioning the meaning of my own existence, when I think of the word home, I realize that I am. And that is all. And that no matter where I am, I am at home with the people who choose to respect and consider the lives of others as well as their own lives.

    Like the soldiers gone before me, I believe it is right to stand up for and protect those who cannot enforce their own boundaries.

    But boundaries shut people out.

    And so, now I write.

    All one or Alone, that is my question.

    How we chose to live our lives affects everyone. What we do individually influences everyone who is a part of our family, community, nation, humanity and the world, boundaries or not.

    We are not separate by design, yet we need to understand and enforce good boundaries to separate ourselves from others in order to keep ourselves safe from harm by those who do not respect who we are as individuals, our beliefs as a community and what we supposedly stand for as a nation.

    I also believe that “no man is an island.” Yet, when one’s nuclear family is so wounded and fragmented as to leave all of the parties involved as islands unto themselves, they are given no choice but to leave, find a new home and build fortresses & boundaries around their individual belief systems so that they can survive and thrive in this world.

    Once upon a time, a group of people called this “island,” The United States of America.

    This Memorial Day, I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, One Nation, Under God, With Liberty and Justice for ALL.

    Our survival is dependent on our ability to connect with each other while respecting ourselves, our individuality and our own boundaries AS WELL AS the individuality and boundaries of others.

    This starts at home. Home is in each and every one of us. When we are able as individuals to reflect on who we are, where we come from and how our differing personalities and belief systems have been molded by the families we were born into, we can see how our boundaries or lack of boundaries have affected our lives and the lives of those around us, our children, their children, our communities and nations.

    Now, back to my question,

    All One or Alone?

    It is almost the same word. By adding one letter that looks like an “I” and some space, Alone becomes All One. Can one person and a little space make such a difference?

    You might considering asking yourself the same question as you celebrate or contemplate this weekend in honor of those who have sacrificed their lives for the concept of “One Nation Under God” for their true and dedicated belief in the loyalty to the family we call the United States of America.

    United we Stand.

    So, what do you believe in?

    Tonight I pray for our families, our countries and our world; that we may be able to continue as a human race, honoring ourselves as individuals while respecting others differences.

    In this context, Memorial Day is about our families and where we call home.

    I write this in honor of my father, a WWII Veteran and Federal Aircraft Maintenance Inspector who provided security and safety for all those people who traveled on commercial airlines both domestic and international. It is my hope that he may realize that even though he developed excessive boundaries that dramatically affected his own life as well as the lives of his immediate family, that those same boundaries protected and enriched the lives of thousands of people all over the world.

    It is my hope that he can die being proud in knowing that he is respected and appreciated for being a good son, brother, friend, husband, father and citizen of our world.

    I write this in honor of my Italian grandfathers who fought in WWI for their beliefs and for protecting their families.

    I write in honor of all the soldiers who have gone before us who stood against invasion of destructive forces to protect their families, their homes and their communities.

    In honor of those named and unnamed, alive and dead, who sacrifice their lives, in one way or another, whether by obligation or by choice, who stand in the face of fear to defend and protect that which is good about “Liberty and Justice for All.”

    I write this in honor of those who have self-respect while respecting the boundaries others.

    I write this for you.

    With Love Always,
    Janet

    Simple Liberty – What is Liberty?
    http://www.simpleliberty.org/essays/what_is_liberty.htm

    What Is Liberty Exactly? Do Freedom and Liberty mean the same thing?
    http://www.freemansperspective.com/what-is-liberty-exactly/

    Liberty legal definition of liberty
    http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Liberty

    Christianity and Liberty Defined | Acton Institute
    http://www.acton.org/pub/religion-liberty/volume-14-number-3/christianity-and-liberty-defined

    Differing Definitions of Justice
    http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/problem/defjust.htm

    What is JUSTICE? definition of JUSTICE (Black's Law Dictionary)
    http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/problem/defjust.htm

    What is Social Justice? | Department of Government and Justice Studies | Appalachian State University
    http://thelawdictionary.org/justice/

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  • May 30, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    This is so similar to ‘ghosting’ in the MGTOW community. They might be the exact same thing.

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  • May 30, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    Trying to be invisible…you nailed it right on the head. I thought I was depressed because I only feel good at night when everyone is sleeping and I can be me. So I stay up all night. My husband left for a few weeks and I wasn’t sad at all…I was finally relaxed in my own home. Since he came back I’m constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the criticism.
    That’s what it is…its not depression, its trying to be invisible.

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  • May 30, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    There are days when I still wish I were invisible… When I wish the world would just leave me alone. When I wish I could climb up in my treehouse and live there forever….go run with the horses in the fields and never be in the here and now. Days when I pray that I could curl up with my murdered kitties just one more time, or hold my children and smell their clean sent….ah but such is not to be.
    God wraps His arms around me and whispers into my heart…I’m here daughter, I love you just as you are, and I have a job for you to do…so I face the world and all its ugly another day. But still I think of treehouses and kitties, and the laughing faces of my beautiful children. Someday it will be ok and I’ll be safe for real.

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    • July 16, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Dear Rebecca……… for what it’s worth. .. may the pain of your kitties in your heart be lightened by God’s love. I know that pain too……it’s intense…and I want to share that load with you, if just a little. I believe God’ sees and cares. If I didn’t I would go insane from all the cruelty. I wish you healing. Sincerely. sz

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      • July 17, 2016 at 8:20 am

        Susan, Thank You for your kind words. I do Know God well and have an Awesome relationship with Him, Praise God that I do! That relationship is the only thing that got me through day to day after the discard by my Nex. Thankfully He has also led me to healing from childhood wounds too, my Mother was a Narcissist as well. I have been able to forgive them both…again Praise God for that! But some times my grief wells up. God and Time will heal that too, but it happens from time to time still. There will be a day when I’m no longer homeless, have my health back, and can care for fur babies again…I’ve been given a promise, I believe in it and I stand on it! But again…I remember when my Mother tried to kill me and when my Nex tried…so its a daily walk. Praise God I don’t have to walk it alone.

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  • May 31, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    This is the best article I have read about narcissism I have read yet. It is good to know that I’m not all alone in the world in the way I feel. The bathroom happens to be my favorite place to go too. My bed a close second. I have no contact with my mother because she is very cruel and a complete narcissistic from hell. I didn’t figure that out until I was almost 40 years old and it set my world into a tail spin. Everything I thought I knew had been just the opposite of what I thought it was. Thank you to my therapist for shedding the light and helping me try to understand. And thanks to you for sharing your story

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    • July 16, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      The bathroom is my place to hide away too,I can stay there for hours just listen to music, another thing I need is a a heavy blanket, it helps me feel safer. I can only relax and be myself when I am alone. I do not know if my parents are narcissist or not, bu my mother was constantly taking valium and other drugs all trough my childhood and my father was an alcoholic, so I was so fearful I had a hard time just “being a child and being me” growing up. I also had 4 younger siblings that I felt overwhelmingly responsible for. I can relate to what you say about your mother, my mother, having a diagnosis of bipolar and schizophrenic can be so cruel.

      Reply
  • June 2, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    I would love to know who the illustrator is for the mouse drawings, but I don’t see any names or attribution!

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    • September 23, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      I love these illustrations, too. Look up Graham Oakley.

      Reply
  • September 23, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    I’m so sorry to read of your husband’s illness. I have been reading lately (Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score) that children of trauma suffer from a much higher incidence of illness. It makes sense.

    I related to this post very much. In some families, being invisible is the only safe way to be. Have you ever felt so invisible, when you looked in the mirror it was as though there was nobody there? I found when I left home and went into the work force, I would get compliments on my work and it was so unfamiliar to me, it actually felt painful.

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    • December 15, 2016 at 2:28 am

      Your comment about your skewed reality wherein a compliment makes you feel pain reminds me of something I had forgotten. My brother is NPD and has held me in senseless contempt since his youth. We always thought he was just “odd” and ignored his persistent bad attitude. It’s only after he annihilated my elderly parents and myself last year that I stumbled into realizing he wasn’t ODD but truly ABNORMAL and absolutely an evil and dangerous NPD. Anyway, what I’m getting to, is remembering the time years ago when my friend was telling me her brother was coming into town for a visit and they were excited to be spending time together with fun activities planned. I’ll never forget my skewed reality upon hearing this was to first think her brother as being “abnormal” because he actually WANTED to spend time with his sister. I remember my mind asking me: What kind of man WANTS to spend time with his sister? The mere fact that her brother held any interest in her life whatsoever and even “liked” her struck me as “odd.” (Isn’t that astounding?!) By the grace of God, I simultaneously fully realized just how skewed my thinking about the matter was. I have always found experiencing and recognizing conditioned thought processes very intriguing. I rest in great gratitude for now knowing the full truth of matters with my brother and being able to know I still love my brother anyway in spite of himself.

      Reply
  • April 14, 2017 at 2:21 pm

    Thankyou so much, I understand now why I love my bedroom I never realised just how much my narcissistic mother affected me I always felt safest in my bedroom even though she would charge in when I was a child.

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  • April 2, 2018 at 3:19 am

    Ms Thompson,
    You described Me perfectly-Servant hearted a la Codependant. Agreeable & Catatonic. Living ‘around’ the Narc & everyone else, to Try to avoid the Rageing to no avail, most of the time.
    I have been remarried for 8 yrs, & Still sometimes think, when will this Normal man Explode on me? If dinner takes 10 minutes longer, I Still at times have a panic attack. When I do decide to buy myself something, I find that I’m afraid to tell him, in fear that he will Rage. He has Never done any of these things. I thank God for him every day.

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    • April 2, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Dear AFig, I so relate to you! Last week, Michael giggled at one of my idosyncracies and I reverted to the past. I got very nervous. Felt like I needed to try for perfection. It was just a little tease – and I freaked inside! And yes…it was about the timing of Supper. Why is that such a trigger for us!?!

      Reply
 

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