6 thoughts on “A Quasi-Ménage à Trois from Hell: Smother Mother, Mama’s Boy, Jealous Wife

  • May 7, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Had seen your requests for stories about mama’s boys, but hadn’t remembered this until now. I worked for a very successful surgeon whose mother showed up at the office one day! She made a point of visiting each of us and confirming how wonderful indeed her dear “Corky” was. It was incredibly awkward. Not surprising, “dear Corky” was an insufferable narcissistic in his own right.

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  • May 10, 2016 at 9:29 am

    Love your advice Lenora! I have been educating my partner on narcissistic behaviour/innapropriate behaviour from his mum. I can’t believe how much he’s put up with over the years.

    One of the aha moments I had was when his mum struck up a conversation about her breasts (no relation at all to what we had been previously talking about), going into detail about which way her nipples pointed- reassuring everyone in the room that she was still perky. I couldn’t BELIEVE what I was hearing!!! Who says things like that?!? – esp to their SON!!! …to me, talking about what your breasts look like is drawing attention to your sexuality. To me it sounded like she wanted to be sexually appealing. Why, WHY would you ever think it ok to do that in front of your son?! (Or me? eww!) Covert incest.

    My partners mum is very different to me, I didn’t think I’d ever be close to her… I approached my relationship with her, with an open heart though… After a few awful interactions like that- I don’t want ANYTHING to do with her.

    I understand now why my partner would become so detached and dissociate around his family. He’s finally seeing a counsellor – and there’s someone else in his life letting him know that his mums behaviour is NOT NORMAL.

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  • June 22, 2017 at 11:14 am

    I had a boyfriend years ago whose mom fit this to a T..the woman was horrible. Part of the reason our relationship ended was because of her constant hostility towards me no matter how respectful and kind I was to her.
    I couldn’t take it anymore. The guy’s whole family was trash, really.

    She didn’t like me because she was racist and she judged me based on things beyond my control.
    She also hated me because in her mind, I wasn’t good enough for her little boy. I remember hearing her talk with a friend of hers and she said how if any girl were to date her son, she would give that girl hell.

    I agree with “Finding Freedom” in that these types of toxic mothers are often very jealous and they treat the girlfriends/wives of their sons as rivals.
    They seem to feel that there is some sort of competition. My ex’s mother was an attractive woman on the outside, but very ugly on the inside.
    She constantly put me down and said cruel things about my appearance as well as my character.
    She even claimed that I gave her son an STD, which is a lie.

    I think she was jealous because I was a young woman from a different background, I was pretty in my own way (hope that doesn’t sound conceited), and she was just a miserable person in general.
    I didn’t come from the best family situation but I always tried to keep a positive attitude and be kind no matter what.
    Thankfully that relationship ended and I am now with somebody whose mother is extremely kind to me…we get along great!

    I can’t deal with “mama’s boys”. Of course a man should love his mother and have a good relationship with her, but some people take it too far.
    My husband loves his mom and she loves him, but it’s not a problem in our marriage because she respects me as his wife and I respect her.
    With my ex, there was ZERO respect from his family towards me, mostly because of his mother.

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  • July 16, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    I am dealing with this currently. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and we live in his mother’s house. She is 89, so we’re here to “take care of her”. In the beginning I thought it was endearing that he loved his mother enough to “give up” his own life to take care of her during these end times. But, since I’ve been here I’ve learned SOOO much more and that it’s NOTHING like I thought it was in the beginning!
    First of all, he’s lived with her off and on for MOST of his life. And he’s lived with her “this time” for almost 15 years, and that’s since his last divorce. The REASON for his divorce was his MOTHER!! I know this from the mother herself – She told me that the ex told HER that he was nothing but a MAMAS BOY! The mother was the one who introduced them too when they worked together. His father passed suddenly right before he met her (the ex) and the father always told his son that if anything ever happened to him that he was to take care of his mother. Apparently the mother knows this and makes sure her son doesn’t forget it.. While he was married, she would call him at work and tell him she needed “this done or that done” around the house, so he would get off work and go directly to mamas house. While he was doing “whatever” mama would be whipping up food and tell him to come in and have dinner and expect him to sit and have a beer and watch the news etc with her! All the while his WIFE is sitting at home waiting for her HUSBAND to come home! Um, hello!!? Yeah, I’d divorce his ass too!!
    So, here I come along thinking he’s so sweet and caring yadda yadda.. and his mom is all sweet AT FIRST, probably thinking I’ll just go away eventually.. Then he asks me to move in to help him with her. He says with “women stuff” that he won’t be able to do being a man and all. I do, because of that “endearing” thing again! Also, I couldn’t stand where I was living at the time so, why not, right? Well, come to find out SHE doesn’t need any help with ANYTHING! She does HIS laundry and when I start doing our laundry together she tries telling ME HOW to DO laundry! I’m a 40 year old woman mind you, and was married myself for 12 years and have 2 children- I KNOW how to do laundry AND after living in the house, I know damn well I can keep house WAY better than this woman can.. So, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Anyhow, no matter what I say or what I do, I’m ALWAYS WRONG! If I say anything that is different than what she believes she grits her teeth and balls her fists and lashes out at me! My boyfriend sees this NOW (after 3 years) and makes excuses like she’s getting dementia and she can’t remember things so I shouldn’t call her out on things she can’t remember etc. but it’s not always that, maybe I do that 5% of the time but get that reaction to the remaining 95% too! She told him not to marry me until after she dies, yet she wants me to get a job outside of the home so I can help my boyfriend pay the bills for the house once she dies. She’s leaving the house in HIS name so he can live here yet doesn’t want HIM to get a job- she wants ME to work to pay for the house that she’s leaving to her son yet she doesn’t want him to marry me.. hmmm I’m sorry, but NO! Eff you and the horse you rode in on! I pay my way while I’m here and I take care of everything around the house now! Cooking, cleaning, garden, groceries, home renovations etc.. All she does is sit on her butt and watch her “story” everyday and get her hair done once a week! She’s now resorting to telling him outright LIES about me when I’m not even here!
    I do love the man, that’s the ONLY reason I’ve stayed as long as I have and endured the stress and abuse that I do from her. Although, now I’m starting to feel like the abuse (emotional) is coming from him as well because he NEVER stands up for ME and there’s ALWAYS an excuse or a reason why it’s ok for his mama to treat me the way she is! Help! I’m drowning and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I don’t really want to leave him, but I feel like that’s the only realistic answer. But then I keep thinking, maybe I can stick it out a little longer.. she’s 89, I’m only 40!

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    • July 16, 2018 at 2:00 pm

      Wow! What a horrific situation you find yourself in. I think you know exactly what you need to do. If he hasn’t left Mama and hasn’t stood up for you ’til now, he never will. It’s called emotional incest. This will not get better. He’s is showing you his true character…now. It will not change.

      His mother will probably live for at least another decade. People like her tend to have incredible longevity, I’m told, by their miserable geriatric children. You’d be surprised how common this codependent toxic situation is. You know what you need to do.

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