8 thoughts on “Marriage after Narcissistic Abuse

  • April 21, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    You write well and am so glad you are finally happy. I can relate… oh the shame, and was never able to break free. Good for you Lenora. Beautiful photos.

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  • April 24, 2016 at 7:10 am

    Maybe the best wedding anniversary present you can have is; freedom from the ‘chains’ your parents had you bound in. I have nothing to do with my (x) family, and yes- life is SO much better for it!

    It hurts like hell sometimes to reflect on the fact that I don’t have a bio family of my own to love me, value me, appreciate me… Having contact with them would only give me a warped sort of illusion I have those things- they were very clever at putting on an act.

    Now, my focus is on making my own family… With my family gone, there’s room in my heart and life for my new family. There are so many amazing people out there – I know because I keep finding them. All the hurt I went through facing the truth about my family was worth it.

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  • May 1, 2016 at 6:01 am

    Lenora please contact me if you would be so gracious. You explain this like no other.

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  • April 21, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    My wedding was run by my narcissistic family. I can’t watch a movie where the father tells the daughter on her wedding day that she is beautiful. I seethe with anger and get sick to my stomach. My dad was talking hunting or fishing with my drunk brother when it was time to walk the aisle. I had to practically drag him to the aisle. No comment on my dress, me, or the wedding. When we danced to Daddy’s Little Girl, he held me at arm’s length and barely even acknowledged me. He was more preoccupied with showing off his dance moves. It was a wedding my mom dreamed of for me, complete with having the reception at the country club with fine dining and fancy everything. None of that is me or my hubby.

    Oh, and my mom ended up coming to the wedding in a wheel chair because her “IBS” was acting up. True BS of another kind. She wore a “poor Marge” look on her face the whole wedding. I ignored her. Later in the evening, her sister, once my favorie aunt, came to me and stated that “I know this is supposed to be your day, but your mom needs the attention now”. Like I said, “once was my favorite aunt”.

    I think the thing that helps with your blog is that we are not alone. You wonderfully put into words the crazy-making feelings that we can’t always label. When you mentioned that your dad took a moment from his cancer to give time to you, that rang true as well. My dad ended up with bone cancer. He would never call me. When I called him, he acted disgusted in me. I was wasting his time. I would ask about his health, listen to his list of dr appointments, ask questions that I could think of (not a nurse or dr myself). The conversation was strained at best. As soon as I would tell him news of me or his grandkids, he would huff and say “I have to go” and hang up. I cried after almost every call. If I didn’t call him, he would eventually call me and yell that I hadn’t called him sooner. It was a horrible loop. I always felt that I was being a narcissist just bringing up our family and the grandkids.

    Both parents have passed on now. It was a bit freeing, but then the true healing begins. Starting with intense anger.

    I wish you and your hubs insane amounts of happy. You guys have earned it. Thank you for putting into words things that are hard to unravel.

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  • May 7, 2017 at 6:47 am

    Wedding day woes? Have I got a novel for you? The whole lead-up to my wedding was a horror story.
    The moment I advised my mother of my engagement, she refused to take part in my happiness but instead without a beat asked​ if I was going to inform my estranged older sister. Estranged. No contact. It wasnt on my to-do list at this very moment. Additionally, the parents were offended that my man didn’t ask for their permission – despite us having lived together (in sin) for close to 5 years.
    I regretfully (in retrospect) asked my younger sister to be my maid of honour. Turned out she would become my maid of horror. No part of my wedding planning was to her satisfaction. Her dress was to be simple and ivory, so the men’s blue suits could really pop. She wasn’t having any of that and led me time and time again down a path of how she needed a pink and sparkly ballgown. Once resigned to ivory, she (without a word of a lie) browsed through the wedding dresses because that is what she determined she needed to wear due to my colour requirements. (Note: Fortunately it was on this day in the morning before, that I discovered she was NPD. I had a much stronger resolve after this moment.)
    Additionally, my bridal shower was all about her. I spent hours and hours coaxing her to communicate my party plan that she kept rewriting for me. (My bridesmaid best friend showered me with a second party, to the exclusion of my sister and other family members so I could truly be celebrated.)
    No support or presence in the days before the wedding. Refusal to attend rehearsal as it was inconvenient for them despite sufficient advance notice. Desperate cries for attention by my MOH by her claim to suffering from bronchitis at my wedding – whereby she needed hospitalisation on the night before and night of my wedding. (Side note… She was perfectly fine on the day after).
    Day of wedding with sprinkled moments that were about how I needed to address their needs, but by that time I didn’t care as I knew so well of their destruction they could cause if I let them try.
    Small extra note… On day after wedding the MOH wore a big sparkly ring on her wedding finger despite being young and unmarried – all in her attempt to steal limelight.
    So happy now to be free of them. Working on grey rock method now. End goal in the near future is no contact.

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  • May 29, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Wow! What a inspirational story!!!! About a year ago I left and divorced my husband of 30 years. Without the help of my 3 daughters and family I would still be stuck in that horrible situation. Thanks for you sharing your story and giving hope to others that there is life after Narissist abuse.

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