What parent wouldn’t want their daughter to be obsessed with boys? I mean, doesn’t every parent want a boy-crazy daughter!?! I jest, of course. But seriously, as if the attraction isn’t strong enough, there are a lot of ways you can make it worse, Dad. You have no idea the power you hold. It’s in your hands. Play your cards right and you can destroy your daughter’s self-esteem and make her so needy for male love and approval, Dad, that she’ll be frantically boy-crazy. Later on in this article, we’ll explore your motivations too.

It all starts when your daughter is a little, little girl…

Cue flashback harp music…

1. Fill Her Head with Romance

This article is written sarcastically, tongue-in-cheek in the style of C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters to prove a point. Having lived most of this article, I do not approve of raising a daughter in this way. Unfortunately, narcissistic fathers raise their daughters this way much too often.

It all starts when your daughter is just a little girl, Daddy. Fill her head with tales of romance where every fairytale ends with the handsome Prince sweeping the Princess off her feet. Make it seem like this is the end-all-be-all of the female existence. Her one goal, the pinnacle of her entire existence is to snag a male.

Congratulations! She’s only five, but already you’ve sown the seed of boy craziness.

2. Be Her Only Friend

Don’t let her have any friends, at least, none she sees outside of school. Isolate her. Then be her friend, her only friend, Dad. Don’t let her have friends, playdates, birthday parties or sleepovers.

Tease her unmercifully. Play with her. Wrestle with her. Rough house with her. Teach her that men physically hurt females and they should just suck it up or the man will get angry. Teach her that you can do anything and she’s not allowed to set boundaries, even if she hates it when you lick her ears and despises being tickled to the point of screaming.

3. Make Puberty As Awkward As Possible

The day a girl starts menstruation and begins her metamorphosis from little girl to woman is one of the most awkward, embarrassing days of her life. But you can make it worse! Just say something like, “I still love you.” Did you catch it? The operative word was “still.” As if becoming a woman somehow makes her unlovable. As if you don’t approve. As if growing up makes her unacceptable to you. Been there; will never forget it.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, you can make it worse by “sexualizing” the relationship between her and you, Dad. Stop hugging her. Make it clear that you’re a man and she’s a woman, so you have to be “careful” around her new body. Cast your mind to those über-awkward, über-sexualized side-hugs on Nineteen Kids and Counting. They don’t “fix” anything!

4. Withdraw Your Approval

Up until now, she’s been your little Princess. You even told her she was pretty when she was a little girl.

Now’s the time to stop that. You can easily find an excuse. Maybe she’s developed teenage acne. Maybe she’s developing OCDesque stress outlets like skin-picking. Tell her, point-blank, that you will never tell her she’s pretty until her skin clear up.

But don’t take her to a dermatologist. Nor a psychologist. Just yell at her about her scarred skin. Shame her. Make her feel ugly. Confiscate her make-up.

5. Decline Dates

The first time a girl is invited out on a date by a boy is one of the best days of her life. Decline that first date invite on her behalf, even if she’s seventeen-going-on-eighteen! Don’t ask her. Don’t even tell her you’re gonna do it. Just call up the boy and tell him, “She hasn’t met all our criteria for her to start dating.” That’ll make her sound really bad.

When she asks when she can start dating, don’t tell her. Keep it ambiguous.

6. Make Her Ugly

Make sure she’s “out of it” compared to the other girls of her age. If they’re wearing cute  clothes, dress her like a nun. If they’re wearing heels with dresses, make her wear heavy leather lace-up shoes with ill-fitting skirts. If the other girls are wearing cool trainers, dress her in cheap velcro tennis shoes.

If they’re wearing make-up, don’t let her wear cosmetics. If they’re going to the salon, cut her hair at home. If you don’t like her hairstyle after she’s worked on it for half an hour, just use your fingers to ruin it.

Employ  your wife to help you with this step. When your daughter goes clothes shopping with her mom, the proper line is, “You can’t have that outfit. It looks too good on you.” And I quote verbatim.

7. Ungentlemanly Treatment

As if you haven’t destroyed her self-esteem enough already, treat her like a Second Class Citizen. If you gallantly open a door for your wife, then belligerently step in front of your daughter and just hand the door to her. She’ll learn that she doesn’t deserve to have you hold the door for her too. She’ll get used to not being treated like a lady.

8. Slut Shame Her

At some point, the inevitable will happen. She’ll develop a crush on a boy. She may even introduce him to you, Dad. There’s no better time to start slut-shaming your innocent daughter!

Accuse her of being “easy.” Of being too “willing.” She’s too young, too trusting to doubt you. Congratulations. You’ve planted the seed of shame in her soul. She’ll be terrified to ever introduce a boy to you again.

9. Make “Snagging a Man” A Prerequisite for Adulthood

By the time your daughter manages to grow up, she’ll be a very wounded soul. If you’ve done your job properly, she’ll be trauma bonded to you, Dad. She’ll idolize you, trust you, obey you…and fear you.

She’ll also be a perfectionistic, workaholic. Play your cards right and you can get thousands of dollars from her. The trick is to convince her that getting married is a prerequisite for her to become a full-fledged adult. Until she snags a male to “protect her” and “have headship over her,” imply that she can’t be trusted to live her own life and make her own decisions.  Think Duggars. (If you’re religious, you can easily use the Bible to force her into subservience.)

If you do this right, she’ll willingly pay plenty of rent to live in your home…even though she hates living there. You may even be able to convince here to run all of your errands and do all of your shopping for free. What a deal!

10. Sex Talk Horror

Make sure you do most of her sex ed. Even though she’d really rather have her Mama talk about things like orgasms woman-to-woman, make sure you’re alone with your daughter, Dad, when you teach her about the female body.

Forbid her to learn about sex from anyone but you. Tell her she won’t enjoy sex…at first. Like some wing-nut cult leader, tell her sex is a spiritual act and young adults can’t understand it properly. Tell her that if sex gets interrupted by a phone call or something, the woman “had better get back in the mood” for the man.

Lie to her. Deny that women use dildos. Go through her belongings to make sure she doesn’t own one.

Impose a double-standard. Make it seem like she has no choices when it comes to the expression of her sexuality. But it’s normal for men to “sow their wild oats.”

11. Rewrite Her Online Singles Profile

It’s the stuff that comedy is made of, but it’s also one of the best ways to make her doubt herself. Get mad! Get mad when you read the profile she wrote for yourself on eHarmony and other date sites.

Rewrite her profile.

The best part of doing is this is that she’ll conclude, “If I can’t even write my singles profile correctly, how the heck can I pick the right husband!?!”

12. Always Catch Her When She’s Dumped

If you’ve done your job properly, Dad, instead of pursuing relationships with men of her own age, she’ll be uncontrollably attracted to older men, especially alcoholics. Men around your age, Dad. Sometimes even married men. This is because she’s desperately trying to find the love of a father, the love you withdrew when she hit puberty, Dad.

But make sure that you don’t let her have a normal relationship. Let her have one date, two at the most. Then demand that she dump the guy. Don’t give a good reason. And don’t give an consideration to the tick-tock of her biological clock. It doesn’t matter in the slightest.

But here’s the most important thing:

Always be there for her when she has a bad date or loses a relationship. You don’t have to say anything. Just be there. Take her out. Stroll around in a park. Prove silently to her that she always has a better time with “Dear Old Dad” than with any other man.

13. Try To Break Her Up

If, by some miracle, she does meet Mr. Right and secretly gets engaged, immediately plant the seeds of doubt. Tell her she’s “just infatuated” with her fiancé. Make her doubt her feelings, her wisdom.

Ask all kinds of intrusive questions about her fiancé. His past relationships. His beliefs. His hobbies. If you do it under the guise of “love and care,” you can plant all kinds of doubts in your daughter’s mind.

14. Pout At Her Wedding

If, by some miracle your daughter insists on marriage despite your best efforts at Step #13, there are still a lot of ways to wield your power.

For starters, don’t say “yes” when her fiancé respectfully asks for her hand in marriage.

Then, don’t offer to pay a dime for her wedding.

And when the day dawns and she’s on your arm waiting to walk down the aisle, make her wait. Just a few more seconds…just to flex your muscles.

After the ceremony, hide in a corner, pouting. Fuggetabout a Father/Daughter dance. If hugs are awkward, just imagine dancing. Ain’t happening!

15. Rage

Well, Dad. You lost her. What did you expect? If you’d set out with the goal of creating a boy-crazy daughter, you couldn’t have succeeded better. By some miracle she’s finally married to a good man who loves her unconditionally. The hole you purposely created in her heart has finally been filled. Your mistreatment drove her into the arms of a man who treats her better. Who loves her unconditionally. Who opens doors and tells her she’s pretty. Who doesn’t even see her scars cause that’s what love does. It doesn’t see imperfection!

Now, what was your motivation, Dad? What was your motivation for all the unconscionable things you did and said? How do you feel when she kisses her husband, Dad? Does it fill you with rage? With jealousy? No, don’t lie and say, “I’m just having trouble getting used to my little girl being a married woman.” No one buys that lie anymore.

The truth is, Dad, you had a good daughter but you are a narcissist. To you, she was a possession to be dominated, demeaned…owned.

And now, she’s “cheating” on you with her husband. What you feel is called “covert incest.” Incest of the emotions stemming from your narcissism.

That’s why you’re still trying to cause problems. That’s why you’re implying that your new son-in-law is controlling your daughter against her will. That’s why you grimace in rage when they kiss.

Conclusion

Romance is amazing, but it isn’t the end-all-be-all of a female’s life. Boy-craziness is no fun and no girl should be raised as I’ve described. Unfortunately, too many narcissistic fathers raise their daughters exactly as I’ve described in this article, taken from real-life scenarios.

If you grew up with a narcissistic father, then this article may be the story of your life. Your dad wasn’t the best man he said you’d ever meet. And he didn’t love you the way he claimed at all.

There are much better men out there. You’ll be shocked at how well a man can treat you. And just how good unconditional love really feels!

Photo by Rahul de Cunha