I’m going to say something very weird, very off-putting. So stick with me here.
Narcissists are incredibly logical, yes logical, in a twisted kind of a way.
They all think, more or less, in the same illogically logical ways. That’s why they’re so easy to identify and so easy to understand.
What Is A Narcissist?
Imagine to yourself the gas gauge on a car. Traditionally, it’s a half-circle and there’s a red “E” for empty and a white “F” for full, on opposite sides of the arch.
Now imagine the gas gauge is a full 360° circle instead. The “E” and “F” are right next to each other. Butted up to each other, back-to-back.
But it isn’t a gas gauge. It’s a self-esteem gauge. The “E” and “F” represent the person’s self-esteem. On a narcissist, the needle appears to be bouncing vigorously on “F.” Or is it? Actually, that’s just a well-rehearsed act. They appear to have a full tank of self-esteem bouncing on “F” when in fact the needle is beyond “F” and deep in “E” territory.
Why Do They All Behave In the Same Ways?
Well, they are human, y’know. I know, I know. Many of us would like to argue that point, but they’re human and humans, by and large, share a common logic. Narcissists, at least my narcs, are surprisingly un-arbitary and shockingly logical. They may seem arbitrary, but they always have an illogically logical agenda. Once we understand their “logic,” we can reverse engineer it, root out the lies and “the truth will set us free.”
As repellent as this sounds, the only way to unravel the narcissist’s logic is to put ourselves in their shoes. Still with me? Okay, I’ll go first.
It’s 2001 and I’m twenty-one years old. Technically, I’m an adult, my parents’ equal, free as a bird. Hell no! No narc can withstand the idea that their baby is now an adult...to be treated with respect…an equal. They’re threatened by every adult in the world, and they’ll be damned if their own offspring joins that threatening throng of equal adults. They’ll do anything, anything, to protect their non-existent egos. And if that means playing the “Never 21” game…so be it.
Like I said, it’s not right, but it sure is illogically logical. So easy to reverse engineer.
We’re Onto ‘Em!
Once we understand narcissists, well, their power is gone. In fact, they become rather pathetic, ridiculous creatures. Adult toddlers throwing fantastic tantrums.
And How Do We Treat Toddler Tantrums?
We ignore ’em. Takes all the fun out of it. That’s what going “No Contact” means. It’s a sacred status, inviolable. The hardest decision you’ll ever make.
Is It Easy?
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Well, in the words of Howard Wolowitz on The Big Bang Theory, “I told you no…Maybe a different language will help. Russian, nyet. Chinese, bu. Japanese, iie. Klingon, qo. Binary coded Ascii, 0110111001101111…Let me try gansta, hells no.”
But it’s good. Your own personal Emancipation Proclamation.