advertisement
Caregiver

9 Quirky Tips for Caregivers

Some people, like me, are attracted to those who need a little extra help through life. Some people have the perfect life and in a heartbeat, it all goes terribly wrong. Some people live healthy, long lives and then nurse their spouse through a painful final illness that drags on and on.

Whatever the case, at some point or another, you'll probably find yourself being a caregiver. It kinda crept up on me until one day I got wise to my sweet self and realized that I wasn't just a wife anymore. I was a caregiver too.

Here's nine quirky tips for caregivers I've discovered over the past few years. They're presented as tips for wives who care for their husbands because that's my situation, but feel free to adapt them to your gender/roles/situation.



General

Your Best Thoughts about Narcissism

The readers of Narcissism Meets Normalcy are wonderful about sharing their experiences and viewpoints. There's been a positive "rash" of great comments lately and I wanted to be sure you all saw some of the most entertaining comments recently posted on Narcissism Meets Normalcy. Click here to read Part 1. 



General

Your Best Comments About Narcissism

The readers of Narcissism Meets Normalcy are the best and your comments often leave me thinking, "He summed up in one elegant paragraph what it took me 1,000 words to convey."

Often the best comments are posted weeks or even years after my article was originally published...so you probably miss out on seeing them. Lately, we've been in a particularly rich comment season. So here is the best of the best of what you recently said.



Brainwash

Here’s Why We Talk About Narcissism. Spoiler Alert: It’s NOT A Pity Party.

Two weeks ago, a well-meaning friend posted a comment on my Facebook that was so thought provoking, I've been quietly cogitating on it ever since. She said:
Lorena, you have had it very rough in your life to say the very least. I am so very sorry you have had to live through this hell.

Since you now have a wonderful life and husband, one would ask, don't you want to move forward ? There seems to be so much you go back to, so much unsolved in these postings. Your deserve the happiness you know is there for you. Why not shut the door on the unhappiness and leave it behind. Be free and enjoy your new found life. Note: Not in any way trying to be disrespectful to your thoughts or views just looking at it with a different set of eye's.


Control

Narcissists: Stealing Your Hobbies, Appropriating Your Interests

I'm indebted to Irish fiddler, Frankie Gavin, for inspiring this article. During a Masterclass on YouTube, he made an off-hand comment that when he was learning to play fiddle, he had to practice anywhere except at home because of his father's endless criticisms. That's when it all came back to me.

An oft overlooked facet of narcissism is the way they either appropriate our hobbies as their own or make them so hateful, that we quit of our own accord. See if this sounds familiar.



Boundaries

Are You An Emotion Dumping Ground for the Trauma Bonded?

We all know someone like this. They're upset. They're unhappy. They complain, bellyache and "cry on your shoulder" for an hour, or two, or five...and then go merrily back to their unhappy life leaving you wallowing in their emotional sewage.

Wash-rinse-repeat.

I've watched this happen to very sweet, caring people I loved going all the way back to the 1980s and it's hard on them. They care so much and get so upset that all their autoimmunes go crazy...fibro flare-ups, migraines, insomnia.



#metoo

How Do Some Narcissists Raise Such GOOD Kids??? (Parts 1 and 2)

Not every child of narcissistic parents becomes a narcissist like them. There are a lot of good Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) out here. Nice kids of narcissists. ACONs with soft hearts who always try to figure out the right thing to do...even when manipulated into atrociously wrong situations.

If you're reading this, then you're probably a Good Kid of a Narcissistic Parent. You were raised to be morally scrupulous, honest-to-a-fault, caring, unselfish and humble. Codependent...obviously. But more-or-less normal...whatever that is. Basically the opposite of them.

But that leads to a burning question. A question that underpins the problem of Denial.
"How could my parents possibly be narcissists,
if I turned out nominally normal
and devoted to morality and goodness?"

Implied in that is...
"Why do my parents not follow the ideals they taught me?
How could they be so hypocritical!?!"


Bait-and-Switch

Revisiting The Nice-Nasty-Nice-Nasty Carrot-and-Stick Pattern

In September 2017, I wrote an article titled The Nice-Nasty-Nice-Nasty Narcissistic Carrot-and-Stick Pattern.  It was one of those articles that "writes itself" because I merely had to copy->paste what someone else had written (in no particular order) and add a little narrative along the way. Two-and-a-half years later, it's a particularly apropos time to dust off the old article, update it just a smidgen and take it for a spin as the original writer of the quotes is now insisting that they actually do "care" and that I "don't know" them at all.

I beg to differ...and have their words to prove it.

As the old adage goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And now for your reading enjoyment, here is the updated version of The Nice-Nasty-Nice-Nasty Narcissistic Carrot-and-Stick Pattern: