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Control

Life Isn’t as Serious as Narcissists Want You To Think! (Pt 2 of 2)

(Have you read Part 1 yet? Click here...or what follows won't have any context.)

That is the very antithesis of how narcissists live and how they taught us, influenced us and forced us to live. They performed; they didn't really live. So we learned to perform, not really live. We work, raise children, clean, cook, mow, trim, garden to look right to others. To prove "I'm okay! See!?! Everything is perfect. I deserve to be alive. I'm a worthwhile human being. See!?...


#metoo

Learning to Wink: Life Isn’t as Serious as Narcissists Want You To Think! (Pt 1 of 2)

"Tighten up!" he told me, his hands balled into fists to demonstrate what tightening-up should look like. "Tighten up. We don't live like other people." Well, that's for damn sure. I'd made the mistake of trying to be normal. Ah, foolish me. I forgot how to live in the narcissist's way. That's how narcissists live...all tightened-up. Terrified of not appearing perfect at all times. Terrified you won't be perfect and will reflect poorly on them. They take life so...damn...seriously and insist that we do too. Good grief!!!


Calm

Narcissistic Abuse and the Movies that Counteract and Contradict It

I know, I know. Movies are "just movies." Make-believe events in a make-believe world. They're not real. Or are they? I believe movies give us a glimpse into a world that could be...if only we could escape the mind-control, iron-grip and false guilt of our narcissists. If we could jump out of the same tired old mental pathway they set us on...that has been carved ever deeper in our psyche as we trudged unhappily along it, day after day, year after year.


Alcohol

The Alcoholics’ Alcoholic Daughter: BBC Cook Clarissa Dickson Wright of Two Fat Ladies Fame

"You poor stupid man," Clarissa Dickson Wright said to the empty chair representing her alcoholic father. "Didn't you realize all we wanted to do was love you and have you love us?" Nicknamed "Krakatoa" for her volcanic temper, no one was more surprised than Clarissa herself when she said those empathetic words to her Father, rather than hurling furniture and swearing a blue streak. Then she burst into tears.


Control

Recovering Imperfectly: Lessons from Château de Gudanes

When Craig and Karin Waters purchased the ramshackle ninety-four room Château de Gudanes in the South of France, they bought a lifetime labor of love. The château was so rundown, trees were growing inside the structure. Now, five years later, they've learned one important thing: "For our family personally, one of the biggest lessons we've had to learn is that we need to learn to slowly adapt ourselves to the Château, rather than forcibly demand her to adapt to us."


Codependence

The Beautiful Narcissist’s Daughter I Met at Menards

Shopping for home upkeep supplies isn't our favorite task. As Lady Beldon says in Mrs. Miniver, "Oh, shopping's absolutely impossible nowadays. You can't get near the counter...and when you do, they haven't got it and you pay twice as much for it." So when we finally got to the check-out counter at Menards® on Friday, I was prepared for the worst. Incorrect prices. Coupons that didn't work. You name it.


Control

The good, Good, GOOD Narcissist

Sometimes, adult children of narcissists need validation. No. Make that all the time. I've written about being raised like a Project, not a Person. I've written about feeling like Exhibit A for the Defense to prove what a Good Parent my parent was. I've written about being raised "by the book" (Dr. Dobson, that is), instead of with some empathetic common sense. But I needed to hear it from someone else. I needed validation. That someone else is Dr. Ross Rosenberg, writer of PsychCentral's SelfLove Recovery: The Codependency Cure blog. The article that made me feel like I was discovering fire again was The Good-Parent Fantasy - Why Narcissists Need to Have Children.


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