4 thoughts on “How to Look Behind a Narcissist’s Facade

  • August 11, 2017 at 11:08 am

    It’all “facade”…All the glamour for an empty mind…
    I live with one everyday. It took me years to pin-point the specific “personality disorder” my wife suffers from. She has borderline features, many anti-social features, some avoidance PD features… but Narcissist PD fits her the best. There is not one of the left-middle-or right symptoms in the columns above that do not fit her – 100% – but she has more than just those symptoms – when she is not fully satisfied with humiliating others, or fully “revenged” for whatever she decided to revenge… she totally snaps – she gets physical, aggressive to the point that I had to dial 911 to make her somehow stop… not that she would totally stop, but would lower the intensity of her physical aggressiveness towards me or kids or innate objects like doors etc…
    Thanks a lot for sharing light into this NPD issue. I felt “liberated” when I first read your “Narcissism Decoded”… but really feel perplexed as I can’t find an easy way out because I learnt it the hard way… there is NO (easy) WAY out… if any.

    • August 11, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Narcissism exists on a continuum and some people have characteristics of more than one personality disorder. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

  • December 28, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    I would like read more about the underlying causes of narcissism?
    I’m an MFT and remember a little being taught about causes. Attention deprivation as a very young child, being raised by a narcissistic parent to reflect glory back onto the parent creates the dynamic of glory seeking.
    Like many people, I’m trying to understand the actions & motives of President Trump. His actions with our allies is hard to understand & accept.
    Where is the famous narcissistic charm? He looks like a happy kid when he is with his base. Who are they in this dynamic? I know they feed him but what do they get in return?
    I guess he makes them feel important by playing to them, appealing to thier narcissistic needs for recognition from a rich & famous guy.
    How did this personality disorder become your specialty interest?

    • December 29, 2018 at 10:51 am

      Hi Jeanne,
      You pose several interesting and important questions about how unhealthy narcissism develops and manifests. Many of your questions merit more solid academic research,particularly given the advent of Trumpism.
      As for my interest, I noticed 25 years ago when I first began practicing recurring themes from clients who were married to, raised by, worked for, and were otherwise related to people with narcissistic personality disorder. I listened again and again as clients related tales of the jaw-dropping behaviors of narcissists and the costly legacy they leave in their wake.
      Narcissists are small in number — perhaps 1 to 5 percent of the adult population — but their negative impact far exceeds their numbers because of their lack of empathy, over-the-top entitlement, inability to take responsibility for the actions, and willingness to do practically anything, no matter what expense to others, to feed their bottomless hunger for attention and admiration. Given all that, I want to help people understand how narcissism works and how to protect yourself against the tactics of unhealthy narcissism.
      Thanks for your post.


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