5 thoughts on “How Do You Forgive?

  • June 1, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    I have been struggling to forgive for 13 years…not one person, but over 200; a church who voted me out of membership with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words, “Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.” After the divorce of 31 years, I allowed the x to live in my house for awhile. I was called to a meeting of deacons (15 men), not allowed to have a woman with me, and asked: “Are you still having sex with your ex?” …something positive came from the debacle. As a christian/believer, I understand the concept and will keep trying. Betrayal by 1 person is terrible; by a whole church? No words describe the trauma.

    My life story won a scholarship ata 60 and I am a Sophomore at 69!

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    • June 2, 2016 at 9:55 am

      What a difficult situation that must have been for you! I’m sorry that you had to go through not only that moment but all of the lingering feelings. I’m glad that you have been able to stay close to your faith and keep it separate from the acts of a single church. It sounds like you’ve created healthy outlets to process such a violation.

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  • June 1, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    My first husband was controlling to the point of giving me a dress code and timing my drive home from everywhere. He constantly accused me of cheating and refused to go to marriage counseling. After 3 years, when he accused of sleeping with my 16 year old brother, I left and divorced him. He died last year of cancer. We had both been married for over 30 years to others, and I never saw or heard from him again. A year BEFORE I knew he was sick, I contacted his best friend and got his address. I wrote a 5 page letter, explaining how I felt when he tried to control me and apologizing for anything I ever did to hurt him. I don’t know if he read it, but the fact that I wrote it was a huge relief to me. He really was my first love, and I was a virgin on our wedding night. He was nothing like that when we dated, but that marriage license apparently was a deed of ownership to him. I never cheated on him or gave him any reason to suspect me. I’ll always love the boy he was in eighth grade and the man he was before we married, and my husband and son know all about it, but somehow writing that letter set me free. I still felt sorrow when he died but I knew I had apologized and didn’t expect a response. Thanks for a great article!

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    • June 2, 2016 at 10:01 am

      Writing can be so therapeutic. There is something powerful about releasing the pent up words and emotions; it’s so freeing to unlock them and to let them go.
      When you give yourself completely to another person and they violate that trust it can be shattering on many levels. Even when you move on or let go of the anger you are forever altered. Situations like this rob you of certain things that can be hard to accept. Your innocence and ability to freely trust were taken and that can take time to heal from. Thankfully, it sounds like you were able to release your past and reach out to him before it was too late. What a gift for yourself and your future.

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