Vietnamese Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh once said, "Peace in oneself, peace in the world." Iconic singer and songwriter Michael Jackson wrote, "I'm lookin' at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer, if you wanna make the world a better place, just look at yourself and make a change." In The Now Effect you may have read about the science behind why everything you do matters, The social scientists Nicholas Christakis, MD, PhD, and James Fowler, PhD, conducted a study to look at the effect of social networks. To determine if there was a causal relationship for obesity, they mapped the relationships of 12,067 people who had more than 50,000 connections to other people that were assessed repeatedly from 1971 to 2003 (not online social networks such as Facebook but physical networks of people). They found that, indeed, “birds of a feather flock together.” However, they found something much more interesting: obesity doesn’t start and stop with immediate friends and family; it is “contagious” by up to three degrees of separation. They also went on to find that loneliness is contagious by three degrees and that each person you have in your life
There's a funny print cartoon that shows a man and woman sitting on the couch staring at a TV screen, and the caption reads, "It's 12 o'clock, do you know where your mind is?" As time goes on and we grow from children to adolescents to adults, for many of us, somewhere along the way life begins to become routine. Day in and day out, whether we're walking, driving, talking, eating, going to the grocery store, or spending time with our families, our minds get kicked into auto-pilot and continue to develop their habitual ways of thinking, interpreting, expecting, and relating to other people. However, these habits also include habits of the mind that can keep us stuck in stress, anxiety, depression, or even addictive behaviors. Here are a few habits of the mind and a mindfulness practice to help you break out of auto-pilot and gain more control over your life. Three Common Habits that Sink Happiness: Catastrophizing - If you're prone to stress and anxiety, you may recognize this habitual mind trap. This is where the mind interprets an event as the worst case scenario. If your heart is beating fast, you may think you're having a heart attack. If your boss didn't look at you while walking down the hall, you think you're going to get fired. You get the picture. This style of thinking will support increased stress, anxiety, and even panic. Discounting the positive and exaggerating the negative - The news is wonderful at supporting us with this one. This is where we habitually reject or
Some days are just bad days when we wish we could give up this whole adult charade, go to recess, and get back to when times were a bit simpler. Amen. Life seems to get too serious as an adult, more responsibilities mean more worries, more stress, and more body aches. I've spoken to hundreds of people about this exact issue and posed the question: "What does play mean to you?" Sadly, often the response is a blank look, as if the term "play" is a foreign word. Then I ask them to remember what play was like when they were kids. Many people remember play as an unstructured time where they were engaged in something interesting, enjoyable and satisfying. Even just this reflection can begin to rekindle the flames of play. You can try it out right now to see what I mean. If, like me, at times you feel like giving up on adulthood, then I ask you, "What would the days, weeks and months ahead be like if
When people practice mindfulness they say things like, it makes me calm, it softens my body, it helps me be more aware of choice or I seem to be more clear about what matters. The question I love to follow with is, "what would the days, weeks and months ahead be like if there is more of this in your life?" After this, there is often some kind of "aha moment." They say, "Life would be really good." With that in mind I want to share seven Mindful things you can today Today! Relax - Mindfulness is not about relaxation, this is true. However, learning how to relax supports your mindfulness practice. In fact, it's so important that I'm spending the first month of a six month Course in Mindful Living teaching people how to really calm their minds. When you do this, it not only supports your mindfulness practice, but your mindfulness practices also supports the awareness to do things that support ease. It's a spiral up! Find moments of awareness in the day to pause and soften your body, relax. Use your breath - It's the most portable anchor we have. It's a wonderful practice to start your day, settling into your breath or even just taking a few deep breaths. If you're feeling overwhelmed, see if you can notice where you experience it in the body while staying connected to your breath. Then see what you notice. Pay attention to food - This was my introduction into mindfulness. Paying attention to food can not only help us find more joy in it, but
In 2010, when A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook was about to be published I stepped into my publisher and right there on the wall were printouts of dozens of covers for all the new mindfulness books coming out in the next year. In that moment I said, "Oh no, mindfulness is going to get watered down and people are going to get turned off to it." Well, that didn't happen, but something else has... The Current Mindful Wave - Shallow Waters are Noisy Science and technology have brought on the dawn of delivering mindfulness in a million different ways. The options are endless at this point, you can access mindful learning through a variety of apps at your finger tips, you can pick through various meditations or find an ever expanding list of self-paced pre-recorded courses online, you can find it live online and if you're lucky you can find a local group to access in-person. You can learn it in businesses, schools, healthcare companies, Buddhist centers and in secular meditation studios popping up all over the country. In many ways this is so incredible, but in the process it seems like the stage of mindfulness has reached a point there's a lot of "mindful noise" out there that has the potential of making it difficult to decipher what the practice is anymore, who is credible and where to start or continue. For example, learning mindfulness is not just about sitting down and practicing mindfulness. There are other important factors to weave in to optimize the integration of the practice in daily life. One example is the essential need to take the time and space to learn how to create calm and stability in our minds in preparation to settling into many of the practices that are just being offered through most apps and programs out there. It's like telling someone to get on an untamed horse and just ride. This usually doesn't go well. As a result, many people have difficulty truly realizing the fruits of the practice in any enduring way for themselves and in relationships. The Next Mindful Wave - Still Waters Run Deep
It's as if someone from the outside has decided to play a cruel joke on a large segment of humanity. From the outside looking in they're saying, "Let's turn up the dial and increase the speed of life for these humans and see how much they can take before they naturally combust." We've fallen into a trance of sorts where there's some warped shared understanding that to be busy means we are productive members of society, needed and important. This is supposed to then make us feel good, but at the end of the day it comes with a terrible expense - increased stress, anxiety, depression, cellular inflammation and less time, value for play and taking care of ourselves. The reality is, if we want to increase the general well-being of our culture we need to stop the glorification of busy. Can we begin to accept that it's also okay to lead a calmer and more joyful life? Can we practice and learn to see others who are doing this, taking time for themselves, playing and finding enjoyment in life and rather than meeting them with judgment, practice seeing their joy and being happy for their happiness? Ask yourself, what would the days, weeks and months ahead be like if there were more people who were encouraging of and genuinely happy for the good moments you experience in life? How would that make you feel? And how would it make you feel if you felt genuinely happy for
Mark Twain once said, “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” But what if we had a way to shrink those worries in just one minute? You likely have the worry in this moment and I'm going to point you to something that can help alleviate it for now. You are going to put your stressful thought in a star... Then just relax your body and watch it drift away... You'll breathe in... Then breathe out... You'll start to understand that you're like is okay and that sense the reality of this thought in the grand scheme of things. This is called Pixel Thoughts, give it 60 seconds and see what you notice.
We’ve all experienced it. It’s the moment we say something and as the last syllables leave our lips our brain has figured out we put our foot in our mouths and reaches to take them back, but it’s too late. The fact is we often time don’t think before we speak. Our words become actions and actions become consequences. Unfortunately the consequences land us in relationship problems, a blown business deal, or just the general reinforcement of unhealthy mind traps. But what if I told you there’s a way to fix this. Just consider, what would the days, weeks and months ahead look like if before we all spoke we considered three questions: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? These a questions that one might say are inspired by the world’s wisdom traditions and have great relevance to our relationships in our families, friendships, business, and education today. In this emerging world where we’re quick to fire off texts, tweets, Snapchats and Facebook messages, it might be more important than ever to
I often say if there's two things in life that we can't evade aside from death and taxes, it's stress and pain. Suffering is a part of life, but the mindset we layer over it makes all the difference. I have so many examples in my life, and you may as well, where a difficult time was upon me and that very time was the seed which brought on the growth of the next moment. The reality is, we never truly know whether an experience in life is good or bad because we don't know what's going to happen next. In Uncovering Happiness I write about how the deepest, darkest moment of my life was exactly what inevitably opened my mind to seeking out support that led me to where I am today. It was this very experience, and many more like it, that led me to seek out mindfulness, which
We all have difficult people in our lives, it's part of the human experience. Typically, we tend to see them as a nuisance, individuals we have to put up with, or even avoid. This also comes with it's share of suffering. I'm not familiar with the author of the quote above, but the message is worth being curious about. What if we could change our perception to seeing difficult people as messengers or teachers who arouse something inside of us that needs to be cared for or loved? If we do this, might we become less reactive toward ourselves and other people? Inevitably, won't this provide a chance for more relationships to improve? Might it be easier to let go of bitter grudges and move toward strengthening mindfulness, self-compassion, and forgiveness? This isn't Pollyanna, it's a practical approach that can help us focus more on what matters in life. Moreover, consider this: If relationships improve, might that support communities, regions and countries to improve? Is it possible to set off a spark in this way that leads to not only the healing of our individual being, but the healing of humanity? Whoa, that's a bit too large to imagine perhaps, so let's just begin with today and ourselves. Today, try this...