9 thoughts on “Dealing with Difficult People: Sharon Salzberg

  • June 14, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Fascinating. I’ll try to remember not to metaphorically sit down at difficult people’s tables.

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  • June 14, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    We are responsible for our own behaviour and our own responses to others. We don’t have to automatically think that we are in the wrong if someone is rude or insulting. I often wonder about what has led someone to behave in such a way and try to show compassion to those who are clearly hurting in some way.

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  • June 14, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    To me all people are difficult. Isn’t that what makes me a social phobic?

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  • June 15, 2010 at 11:03 am

    theres this one guy at work who is condescending and parental towards me. he waits for me to accept the role of the ignorant child.

    when a clear parent/child relationship doesnt appear he will go away, having not listened to a word i said. it makes our conversations short, but i feel irritated afterwards.

    the last time he ignored me i lost interest, and later when the issue blew up in his face i was vaguely amused to see him in trouble, but my entire department had suffered as a result and the boss was slightly annoyed at me for knowing about it.

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  • June 15, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    I’ve been friends with someone for a while now who can be very nasty about people, especially when he’s had a bit to drink. He’s gradually been getting more sarcastic towards me, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to hear that he’s been speaking badly to others about me as I’ve heard him do about other so-called ‘friends’.

    I’m also aware that this seems to happen the closer he gets to a person. He’s particularly vicious about someone he professes to love very much.

    It was reading Christine’s comment above that led to me leaving this message, in particular her saying:

    “I often wonder about what has led someone to behave in such a way and try to show compassion to those who are clearly hurting in some way.”

    I do think it is to do with him finding intimacy difficult and having been deeply hurt himself in the past. But I am taking a step back because I sense that I may end up directly in the firing line of his anger soon. I’ve already experienced a certain amount of mild emotional abuse at his hands in the form of hurtful, bullying behaviour. I like to think of myself as being compassionate, but in this case I feel a strong need to protect myself from this potentially harmful situation.

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  • June 16, 2010 at 3:25 am

    To me, reacting to an insult also means reacting within yourself, like contemplating about it, anticipating the next (verbal) blow and things alike.
    So “it’s all yours” to me means “I don’t give it any thought”.

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  • June 16, 2010 at 8:07 am

    What can one do when they cannot walk away from a family situation because of financial ties that the difficult person will not deal with, because they are using it to intimidate and blackmail that person? Life is too short to have to submit to this kind of bullying. ‘Difficult’ is an under-statement in this family situation!! If the financial aspect were dealt with, family ties could be dissolved, which would be the best for all after the long, terrible abusive history! A sad family situation, but when one side has lost all sense of perspective and honesty, will not face the truth and lives to make false accusations, then the best route is to forget that part of the ‘so-called’ family,…agreed?

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  • June 27, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    When someone criticizes me or accuses me of something, I look them in the eye and tell them I agree with them and what they said was most likely true. At that point they are lost because they wanted me to have uncomfortable feelings, and I will not give them the satisfaction of me defending myself.

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  • August 11, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    @Don DeLong

    Yeah, I think you are right. Defenselessness seems to be the key. You should accept anything bad which is thrown at you. No matter how bad it is you do not resist. This makes you unvulnerable!

    Reply
 

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