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When Forgiveness is the Only Thing Left to Do

forgivenessAlmost 15 years ago Saundra Adam’s grandson, Chancellor Lee Adams came into her life in the most heart-wrenching way. One night in 1999 after the past NFL player Rae Carruth and Cherica Adams went to a movie they got into separate cars to drive back to Cherica’s house.

5 thoughts on “When Forgiveness is the Only Thing Left to Do

  • December 7, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Forgiving is one of the method that can relax your being.Really meditating.

  • December 7, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I don’t agree. Just because a person forgives does not make that person’s life better. And consider the people around them. When it comes to child molestation and abuse it is a different thing entirely. Forgiveness is inappropriate. A parent should not forgive a pedophile. In fact when it comes to forgiveness there is none to give to anyone else until you’ve forgiven yourself. I find articles like this self righteous and false. I think that Shauna feels that the killer will not come back and do any more damage to Chancellor. Maybe not but most likely the damage is done. That child will not feel the support of the person who is there to protect them. That child has no mother because of what has been taken away from him. It is a good thing to reiterate to your child what is wrong and what is right. To push off something like a serious crime by treating it as if what happened can be swept away or solved with forgiveness is to lead a life that refuses to understand the ripples that affect others around the crime. Don’t talk about it and dismiss it at your leisure because you will pay for it later. Talk about it and deal with it and you create a bond between the survivors and a circle of strength.
    Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness is good in small batches Learning to understand that people make mistakes is an important step in dealing with yourself and dealing with others. Forgiving the unforgivable, taking what is not yours, something like a life or a childhood that can never be returned through force, coercion or control will result in an anger that may not express itself well and damage the surviving victims helping them to continue to feel out of control and like they will always be victims. Sometimes anger is warranted and is not appropriate. Playing nice is good in fairy tales but in real life there are bullies and abusers and manipulators and people who are willing to take what you have and really have no care whether or not you forgive. And forgiveness has to include both parties understanding and agreeing that what was done was wrong and potentially unforgivable. Stop making victims feel obligated to give something that the criminal does not deserve unless that criminal has proven he/she is human and can have empathy AND the victim feels they are at peace with the solution. If the victim is not fine there is no forgiveness. Life is unfair. The criminals deserve to feel this. And criminals with no empathy for the people he/she damages will continue on damaging more. The cycle continues. Just like abuse. No wonder there are so many repeat criminals. Start learning from life’s lessons and apply them to others. Turning the other cheek doesn’t help the next casualty.

    • January 18, 2013 at 3:46 am

      I feel very sorry for you, you seem so angry. Just because someone forgives someone doesn’t mean they have forgotten. It only means she doesn’t want to walk around with hate and anger in her heart and mind. I will never promote someone to be hateful or anger, don’t nothing comes to a negative, nor angry person. So what she forgave him, but God will judge him and that is only right. Why would she want to tell her grandson that his father shot and killed his mom and could have killed him! That is just something I would not want to add to my child’s thoughts.

  • December 7, 2012 at 8:29 am

    What a tragic yet amazing story! I always promote forgiveness, but when I hear a story like this, I only hope I could be as forgiving. Saundra has strength and beauty and its people like her that inspire others to be more compassionate.

    • February 16, 2013 at 7:09 am

      I agree with forgiveness. However,I believe its personality, and change. My 9 yr old son died and people were, in my mind unforgivable. Their actions were shocking. They stole his belongings as well took from me. A vulnerable mother greiving. Today I do truly forgive them and am very proud of myself that I didnt act out as I thought i would have and my inner self told me I should. Id be in jail today! Those people no longer rule my thoughts because of forgiveness. I am just so proud of myself that I am above it. I cant change what happened. I can only change how I react.


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