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How to Fall in Love and Uncover Happiness in Four Minutes or Less

One of the primary pathways to an enduring happiness is facilitating a sense of connection. When we feel connected we feel balanced, when we feel balanced, we often feel happy. The problem is vulnerability
as we grow up in this world, we have to learn how to shield ourselves from vulnerability and so we build up walls or put on armor that make connection more difficult.

One of the most powerful (and challenging) practices to do is look into another person’s eyes for a prolonged period of time as it immediately makes us feel vulnerable. It may not matter whether it’s a stranger or someone you’ve been in a partnership with for over 50 years (sometimes this makes it more difficult). But when we do it, it’s fascinating what arises.

Check out this short video from Soul Pancake to see some of the surprising results of people making connection:

One of the defining characteristics of compassion is recognizing our common humanity.

Behind my eyes and your eyes are the same fundamental needs, to feel cared about and understood – to feel a sense of belonging.

When we look into another’s eyes and see this, it can melt the barrier and uncover the connection that’s always been there. This is an essential element for Uncovering Happiness. 

Try this out as an experiment for yourself:

Today, look into the people’s eyes that you meet and see the person behind the eyes. What happens when you bring the mindset that this person is “Just like me?” This mindset understands that underneath it all, this person wants the same things I do, to feel cared about, to feel understood, to feel accepted, a sense of belonging and to be happy.

Put your biases aside, test it out and see what you notice.

Allow your experience to be your guide.


Elisha Goldstein, PhD

PS – Thank you to Leah Pearlman at for her wonderful drawings.

How to Fall in Love and Uncover Happiness in Four Minutes or Less

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is creator of the six month online program A Course in Mindful Living, author of the book Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion, The Now Effect, co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Mindfulness Meditations for the Anxious Traveler: Quick Exercises to Calm Your Mind, the premier eCourse Basics of Mindfulness Meditation: A 28 Day Program, the Mindful Solutions audio series, and the Mindfulness at Work™ program currently being adopted in multiple multinational corporations. Join The Now Effect Community for free Daily Now Moments and a Weekly Newsletter. Dr. Goldstein is a clinical psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles.

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APA Reference
Goldstein, E. (2015). How to Fall in Love and Uncover Happiness in Four Minutes or Less. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2020, from


Last updated: 25 Feb 2015
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