3D illustration - wireless signal transmissionTherapy doesn’t just change those I offer it to, it changes me as well.  Over the years, I’ve heard myself say things in the moment that were new to me as well.  Therapy is a mysterious, living process.  An encounter like no other.  A tango of consciousness.  The following are three foundational realizations that have crystallized over time for me and for some of my clients.  These ideas have to do with relational issues.  And, in my experience, these ideas have been profoundly liberating.

  1. When you realize that giving is taking, all score-keeping ends.  Peace ensues.
  2. When you realize that all betrayal is motivated by self-care (and is thus forgivable), you are free to continue on in a given relationship without the crutch of trust.  And peace ensues.
  3. Different people want different things to a different degree at different times.  Thus, disharmony is inevitable.  When you realize this, peace ensues.

[I have previously documented these ideas in my unpublished manuscript, Four Legs]


Pavel G. Somov, Ph.D.

Pavel Somov, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of 7 mindfulness-based self-help books. Several of his books have been translated into Chinese, Dutch & Portuguese. Somov is on the Advisory Board for the Mindfulness Project (London, UK). Somov has conducted numerous workshops on mindfulness-related topics and appeared on a number of radio programs. Somov's book website is and his practice website is

Marla Somova, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Pittsburgh, PA. She is the co-author of "Smoke Free Smoke Break" (2011).

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APA Reference
Somov, P. (2016). Realizations. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 8, 2020, from


Last updated: 10 Nov 2016
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