It’s been a while since I’ve shared a post. But here’s why.
It’s been a while since I’ve been capable of taking control of my own thoughts.
For me, anxiety comes and goes in phases, like waves.
One month, my mind is calm. But suddenly and without warning, anxiety can strike and it’s a turbulent mess of thoughts that are jagged and rough and strike repeatedly.
Even on the most calm and motionless of days, I will come home from work and the thoughts will be racing through my head. Worry after worry rushes through my brain…”did I do something wrong?” “Did my coworker perceive what I said negatively?”
Then, I replay the thoughts and memories from my day over and over again in a neverending cycle.
The thoughts pound in my head, in the same spot until my brain is numb, almost like being hit in the same bruised area on your skin over and over again until you can no longer feel the pain, but all that is leftover is the feeling that you NEED relief from something you can’t quite grasp.
It’s exhausting to say the least.
I’ve tried meditating, but they say that takes a lot of practice. I’ve tried different breathing techniques, and those help in the moment, but then the incessant thoughts are immediately back to rushing through my mind and I’m in a world of anxiety, and my stomach is in a tight, painful ball again.
I know there are so many people who relate to this, and I’m not alone by a long-shot.
How I have come to cope with this painful anxiety, is by reminding myself that I am small. I am one of 7 billion, and my worries from my work day, or what I said to someone in a span of 10 seconds, doesn’t matter in the bigger picture. My uncle once gave me some advice that has stayed with me for years. “If the thing you are worrying about now, will not affect you in 10 years from now, it’s not so important.”
Of course, this is not how anxiety disorders work…but having little things like this to counteract the troublesome thoughts that seemingly won’t go away, is helpful in some respect, and that counts for something.
Meditation, exercise to release endorphins, clean eating, a regular sleep cycle (when possible), and having someone to vent to who will not judge or try to force their advice on you, are all things that seem to help when my mind is in crisis mode.
All we can do with anxiety, is try to find ways to cope with it and not let it take over our lives.