9 thoughts on “The Trouble with Control

  • March 20, 2014 at 7:13 am

    Wow, what a great article! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we actually valued vulnerability as a “quality” rather than thought of it as a “weakness”…which we often do in today’s society. The general belief is that if we are in control, then we are strong and powerful and the perception is that that’s what we value most. It would be interesting to see people’s reactions if wr were courageous enough to show our vulnerabilities… Food for thought. Thank you for the article.

    • March 20, 2014 at 10:15 am

      You are so welcome, Chrissy – I agree it would be great if vulnerability was seen as a lovely quality, even a strength! πŸ™‚

  • March 20, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Great article, and I agree that vulnerability is the key to greatness – yet I do not like to use this word because it has such a negative connotation associated with it, at least in our society. Rather, I love using the word “authenticity.” Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and allowing yourself to open up is really just being real and who you are, as scary and overwhelming as that may be at times. For me, letting go of control is really been much easier when I focus more on being ME- being real and authentic, rather than being in control, which was more about the eating disorder anyways, because the eating disorder thrives on control. So letting go and really opening up to life, to love, to ME – as messy and confusing and difficult as that is, really embracing myself for who I am on the inside and saying, “I am imperfectly perfect!” rather than being fearful of letting go of the control has really helped me embrace this change.

    Lauren Cowne

    • March 20, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      Authenticity is also a great descriptive word that I love – thank you for sharing this insight with all of us, Lauren – and for reading! πŸ™‚

  • March 21, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Excellent article which brings forth a valid and viable way of thinking and living. Having an “openness to possibility” which sounds much more assertive, as Chrissy so well noted a strong rather than “weak” terminology is needed here; is the motto I am using for my process of both finding my course in life which contains the strength but not the rigid control that be be, as you so aptly describe, equally power draining and chaos.
    Strength I equate with ability, which can be used to grow and can, like love, be shared with others, whereas power, and it’s inherent corruptive potential has an oppressive nature, especially towards the self, I see as a domineering, destructive, non harmonious or independence-enhancing force.
    The best way to call forth your own potential is to live life in search of knowledge, share love, defend your rights and those who cannot defend themselves and you will be amazed at how much power you have amassed in letting go of the “need” to control while actually having the best type of influence their is: the offering of kindness to yourself and others. This is real worth, value,satisfaction and human power, at its best.

    • March 21, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      That is really beautiful, Kristin! I love your last sentence – to live in search of knowledge, share love, defend your rights and those who cannot defend themselves” – talk about a worthwhile use of a precious life! Thanks for reading and sharing πŸ™‚

  • March 21, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Sorry typo…
    Sound have read:
    “…contains the rigid control that it ends up being, as you aptly describe, equally power draining and chaotic.”
    Sorry never could spell or type , lol.
    Kristin ;(

  • March 21, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    I have almost every kind of anxiety you could think of, and it often feels like having absolutely no control, while the real trick in in trying to accept not having control. I’m greatly inhibited and miss out so much on life because I’m afraid of possible consequences, things I can’t control. However, if I could just learn to accept relinquishing control, and just letting things happen from time to time, I would be able to get out into the world and be free. The past few years I’ve been really focusing on trying to give up that delusional sense of control and give in to the benefits of just accepting that you can’t control everything.

    • March 21, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      Ah yes – giving up control. I agree with you wholeheartedly – it is SOOOO challenging to learn how to do this! I am working on it each and every day as well – it feels like a life lesson, one of those lessons that is so challenging it often feels impossible, but if – just if – I finally do master it, it will be more than worth all the time and effort devoted to it! I am glad to hear your story and read about your courage – thank you for persevering – and for reading and sharing. πŸ™‚


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