4 thoughts on “The Missing Step in the Grief Process

  • August 23, 2018 at 8:45 am

    I think fear is the most challenging emotion to admit to and to be supportive of as a listener as well.

  • August 23, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    My father died in 1989. I’m an RN and I had seen a lot of death. I found him, fallen back on his bed, in the middle of getting dressed. My siblings and I were devastated. He had had heart surgery years before so we knew it could happen anytime, but he was such a strong, moral man we just never expected it, as illogical as that sounds. I didn’t realize until I read your article that I never felt anger. I felt the loss of safety in the world. Even though I was, and still am married and have a son, my father was the one person on earth who made me feel absolutely safe. And I guess not feeling safe is being afraid. I learned those stages of grief in Nursing school. I think they are meant to represent what a person feels when they learn THEY are dying, not when someone they love dies. I also don’t think they hold true for every person. Everyone grieves in their own way, the way that’s best for them. So grieve any way you need to, Shannon, and rest assured you’re doing it right!

    • August 23, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Ohhhhh…..my heart goes out to you in such a stunning, sudden loss. Sometimes I wonder if we ever do really recover from such core losses – my suspicion is that we don’t, because our entire being gets instantly rearranged, mostly (I think) because our survival instinct kicks in and we just do what needs to be done to not follow our loved one instantly due to the depth of grief! For me, not feeling safe is the epitome of fear – and of rage (for me at least). So interesting to consider whether the “classic” 5 stages of grief is meant for the one dying more so than for those who remain behind. I will need to ponder this more. Thank you for your kind encouragement and for taking the time to share your experiences here with me! <3


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