For the past few years now, I have made it a point to blog about my New Year’s intention here.
Not resolution, mind you, but intention.
This is because, for me at least, I can resolve to do something all day long and never get any further than the resolve phase.
But just watch me intend to do something and see what happens next.
Once I’m intending to do something, it’s like some little part of me can’t resist daring myself….
Oh c’mon. How hard could it be?
Pretty darned hard, as it so often turns out.
But, surprisingly, I can handle that. Because when I set an intention rather than a resolution, I no longer feel I have to do any of it perfectly the first time. Just doing it at all is plenty good enough for me.
And since this New Year marks not just the start of a whole near year but also the start of a whole new decade, I am doubling down on my New Year’s intention….intentions.
This is for two reasons:
- Because I can’t pick just one.
- Because I need them both.
My first New Year’s intention is a carryover from two years ago when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and finally began to understand why the last several years previous had felt like one long slog through quicksand that never quite sucked me under but sure got close.
At that point, in December 2017, I got out a little chalkboard and wrote these words: “Heal/Brave.”
Two years later, I feel like some of the basic kinks in the healing process are at last starting to work themselves out, so it is time to look ahead and see what all that hard work has won me….the chance to evolve.
Yet I am still healing, too. And for both continued healing and newfound evolution, I need to stay brave.
So my first New Year’s intention for 2020 is as follows:
A few posts ago, I touched on what I didn’t yet realize would be my second New Year’s intention for 2020. The title of that post was “be willing to be supported.”
Since writing that post I have realized even more strongly that I really, really, really need to learn how to do this better and more consistently, every day and in every way.
The truth is, 2019 was one of the toughest years on record for my post-recovered self. It was really intense – financially, health-wise, with loved ones, as a newly single person, in every way.
But looking back on it, I can see I finally reached my personal goal of proving to myself I can totally take care of myself, all by myself, just me and myself. I can also take care of me and my three beloved animal companions, just me, all by myself, leaning on no one but me.
I felt – feel – very proud of that accomplishment.
And yet in that I have to acknowledge that I SUCK at accepting help from others.
It is perhaps my greatest weakness and infiltrates all aspects and areas of my life deeply.
A few months back, a mentor sent me an email. In it, she wrote that if I could just learn to accept support from others, to open up my reserved heart and let support and love in, this one skill could do more to move me forward – to help me evolve – than anything else.
I took her insights to heart. I didn’t like reading those words, but something deep within said, “She is right. This is true.”
So this is why my second New Year’s intention for the year 2020 is as follows:
Be willing to be supported.
I also have this feeling these two intentions – brave/heal/evolve and be willing to be supported – need one another.
And I know I need them both.
What are your intentions for this brand new year?
With great respect and love,