I was seven years old when I first saw “Star Wars.” And ever since then (so for 41 years and approximately 357 days), it has been my dearest wish to feel the Force and be a Jedi knight like Luke Skywalker.
As a girl, I remember watching the movie over and over and over again, and every time it would end I would feel this incredible let-down….like why do all the best ideas have to be fiction – make-believe? Because if there was anything in life I knew I could really use, it was a healthy dose of the Force.
For the past I don’t know how many years, I have also been dreaming several recurring dreams. They come around again and again, unwelcome reruns with tense yet predictable cliffhanger endings that never resolve.
In one of these dreams, I am driving and I can’t see anything, because my eyes won’t work. It is like I am looking out through them as usual trying to make out what is up ahead on the road, but my eyes are stuck on some image from the past and that is all they will show me.
Time and again, night after night, for years now, I have experienced that sick, sinking sensation of racing too fast around hairpin curves on dangerous roads with no safety rails – and no way to see what is coming up ahead. I experience myself yanking the steering wheel this way and that, trying not to go careening off the edge of a cliff or freeway overpass, not knowing from one second to the next whether it will be my last.
This morning, I woke up after another night of this same dream, frustrated beyond belief.
Only this time, I had just been watching “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” the night before.
As usual, I started to ponder the dream, its possible meaning, what it might be trying to tell me in sending me out on such dangerous roads at such high speeds, totally blind. Why would I be driving so fast? Why would I be driving at all, if I knew I couldn’t see?
And then it hit me.
Oh. my. god. Is it possible?
Could it be possible that my chronic dream of being unable to see with my outer eyes is simply my own little inner Obi-Wan Kenobi trying to teach me to use my intuition, to turn within?
Could I….little ol’ modern me…really be a Jedi knight?
If you are not a lifelong “Star Wars” fan like we are in my family, you might be more than a little puzzled right now (or you could have just skipped out on this blog post entirely, which I would totally understand).
But if you, like me, have been following along since 1977 when Luke first left Tatooine and teamed up with the Rebel Alliance and learned to use a lightsaber and trust his feelings, you probably get it.
This is pretty exciting.
I can’t levitate rocks or whole starcraft. I don’t have a lightsaber (sob). And, frankly, I look pretty terrible in those long dark cloak-hoodies the old school Jedis tend to favor.
But somewhere deep inside me, I have something that knows. It knows things I don’t know – yet – because I haven’t yet learned how to hear it, how to listen when it speaks, how to have a meaningful conversation. I haven’t learned to trust it, to feel it when it wakes up and moves within me, or to seek it out when my outer eyes fail me again and again.
But now I understand. After all these many long years of dreaming, I have finally received its first message. The dialogue is now officially open.
Perhaps there is a lightsaber (preferably one of the blue ones) on the way for me too. One can always hope.
Today’s Takeaway: Have you ever watched a really great movie and thought, “I so wish that could happen in ‘real life’?” Have you ever had an experience where something you saw in a movie or read in a book and wished for later came true? What helped you recognize it for what it is? I’d love to hear any stories you want to share!