Earlier this week, I had a real “aha” moment.
It was one of those total polarity-reversing moments….the kind where you are pretty sure the entire planet has reversed itself right along with you in a show of moral support.
Right after I had the aha moment, however, I realized this particular shift was not quite so sudden as it had first appeared to be.
It appeared quite suddenly – that much is completely accurate.
But the months and years of prior work that went into achieving that one single moment of shifted awareness – well, that is the same (I would assume) as how a band feels when it has been working hard playing dive bars and backyard bar-b-ques for years and then suddenly gets a number one hit on the radio and is declared an “overnight sensation.”
At that point, all the exhausted band members really want to do to celebrate is take a very long, uninterrupted and well-deserved nap.
All build-up aside, here is the aha moment I had…if I can even find the words to really describe it to you:
Okay. Here goes.
Suddenly, I was enough. I felt “I am enough.”
(Now I’m worried you might not understand just how significant this shift really was – is – for me. Although if you have been following for some time, you may remember how, for my new year’s intention this year, I decided I would focus on “Sufficiency.” Which makes this particular aha moment quite exciting indeed!)
So here are some examples.
My thoughts suddenly became,” Of course I am enough.” As in, “of course I deserve to earn enough money to pay my rent here in this new wonderful space we are living in. Of course I deserve to like my body and enjoy living in it. Of course I deserve the presence of my wonderful boyfriend in my life. Of course I deserve the chance to chase my dreams, live a creatively fulfilling life, have adventures, rest, work hard and reap the rewards of that hard work, love and be loved, feel good about being me.”
After a solid four consecutive decades of daily thought patterns that faithfully followed just the opposite train of thought – i.e., “I’ll never be enough, I will always struggle and scrape to get what I need (self-esteem, connection and love, rent money, book sales, health, happiness, safety, beauty, et al)….” this abrupt shift was, well, noticeable.
Very noticeable. Oh so very noticeable.
All of a sudden, just like that it seemed, I stopped worrying that my boyfriend will leave me for another girl who is thinner, prettier, smarter, sexier, richer, more self-confident, more “together” than me.
My thoughts suddenly became, “Why would he leave me? Why would anyone leave me? I’m a good partner. I am worth being with.”
The same shift suddenly occurred around earning money. My thoughts suddenly became, “Of course I will earn enough to pay for this new higher-rent, safe, beautiful, quiet casa we’ve just moved to. It just makes sense – it meets all of our needs and of course I will be able to earn enough to afford it.”
Then an even more surprising shift occurred (as if these two were not already surprising enough). This shift was around body image and self-esteem. My thoughts suddenly shifted to affirm, “Of course I deserve to feel healthy self-esteem. Of course I can feel good about my body, my health, my self, my appearance, my insides and my outsides. Of course I should feel good about being me.”
I want to carefully distinguish here between feelings of arrogance or narcissism and what I was feeling in these moments. I mean, I suppose if I work really hard from here, maybe someday I’ll be one of those folks who struts around thinking they’re all that.
But these thoughts didn’t feel like I was patting myself on the back or congratulating myself for being awesome-me. They just felt like I was finally stepping into the sphere of space that has always had and still has my name on it, along with a big, bolded, block-letter “RESERVED” sign.
These thoughts felt like I had shifted from a deep and pervasive, ongoing and very painfully inevitable scarcity mindset into a moment of experiencing what it would be like to BELIEVE in and even BASK in sufficiency instead.
What if, instead of believing I never have had enough and am never going to have enough because I am not enough, I started to believe that I am enough and therefore I will and can and now do have enough….without anything else in my life shifting or changing at all?
I apologize if what I’m trying to share still isn’t fully coming through. I am finding it is a very hard thing to put into words, but I really, really want to share it with you, because I really, really never thought I would EVER have even a moment in my life when I believed in “enough” – in me being enough, in me having enough, in “enough” being a fundamental aspect of conscious beingness itself.
That probably didn’t help clear things up any. But I do trust that, for those of you reading this who are already there, who perhaps came into this world already know this and feeling this and living this “enough-ness,” you will get it.
And maybe if you have time to share your thoughts in the comments here, that will help me and others like me and those who haven’t ever had their first moment of “enough-ness” yet to get it too.
Today’s Takeaway: Can you relate? Does any part of this experience make sense? Have you had a moment – or many moments – of feeling, believing, knowing and literally experiencing that YOU, just as you are, is enough? That issues like “deserving” or “earning” fall away in the face of that truth – that of course your needs, both inner and outer, will be met simply because you are? I would so love to hear your experiences – and maybe your shares will help me and others like me understand more clearly how this shift works and why it feels so important!