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No, I Don’t Feel Fat (and Yes, I’m Going to Eat That)

yes, I'm going to eat thatI had such a cool day today.

It was the kind of day that makes every single day – all 2 decades of them – I spent recovering from an eating disorder worth it.

More than worth it.

When I left to meet my friend for coffee, I wasn’t especially keen on what I was wearing or how I looked.

I also felt like I might have a cold coming on.

In short, I felt kind of …. iffy.

But since I love this particular friend very much, I went to meet her anyway.

We ordered. She got a latte. I got a giant cold coffee frappe and a tasty pastry.

My friend is quite tiny (naturally so – not on account of any past history of an eating disorder). Where I curve, she hugs the straight line.

When I offered to share my pastry with her, she turned me down, but not for the reasons I expected.

My tiny friend told me her pants were suddenly way too tight and no way was she going to eat a pastry.

And here is the best part. IT DIDN’T PHASE ME ONE BIT. 

Don’t get me wrong – I totally felt compassion for her – we are both in our middle 40’s, and I know firsthand exactly how much it sucks to wake up one morning and discover your favorite pants no longer fit you.

In fact, I have learned that is one of Mother Nature’s favorite jokes on women our age. (For the record, I also think Mother Nature has a very strange sense of humor.)

But today, I no longer let Mother Nature (or friends who abstain from pastries on her account) dissuade me from ordering and eating a pastry myself when I want one….even though my own longtime favorite pants no longer fit me either.

In other words, today I learned that I really AM okay in my own skin. Today I realized I really FEEL okay inside this particular skin I live in.

Which reminds me – a few days ago, another friend sent me a quote about how this only happens – this sense of being safe and okay and at home in our own skins – when we have a basic level of trust and relaxation with ourselves. I remember reading the quote and wondering if I have that basic level of trust, or enough of it, to truly make my physical body “house” feel like a comfy, trusted home.

Today, thanks to a unique pastry mentor, I got my answer.

I do.

Today was a wonderful, great, awesome and very cool day.

Today’s Takeaway: Do you find yourself able to make your own choices – whether for food, clothing, a new car, a job change, whatever it may be – with self-trust and confidence, even if others you are close to choose very differently from you? If yes, what has helped you gain this level of comfort and trust with yourself? If no, what do you think might help you get there?


No, I Don’t Feel Fat (and Yes, I’m Going to Eat That)

Shannon Cutts

Freelance writer. Author. Cockatiel, redfoot tortoise & box turtle mama.

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APA Reference
Cutts, S. (2016). No, I Don’t Feel Fat (and Yes, I’m Going to Eat That). Psych Central. Retrieved on September 29, 2020, from


Last updated: 11 Sep 2016
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