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Why I Refuse to Fall in Love

Calvin (small screaming blonde boy) and Hobbes (leaping tiger). Image copyright:
Calvin (small screaming blonde boy) and Hobbes (leaping tiger).

Recently I posted about what Casper the Friendly Ghost (yes I love cartoons) has taught me about love.

After which I had yet another revelation.

The revelation (unfortunately) was that, for me at least, falling in love has similar connotations to casually, trustingly drinking from a public water fountain – right after someone who has just contracted mononucleosis.

In other words, it sneaks up on you. Pounces. Flattens you to the floor. You never even saw it coming.

The effect is similar to what happens to Calvin every time he comes home from school and Hobbes (imaginary tiger friend if there is anyone reading who isn’t familiar with this absolute classic cartoon) pounces on him.

Only the intention here isn’t quite so friendly.

By the time you realize you have “fallen in love,” your first clue is all the bruises on your knees and shins and the scrape marks on your palms.

This is not what I dreamed of when I dreamed of love as a little girl.

I have always preferred my love to be bloodless and bruise-free….and hopefully not contagious with huge, painful swollen lymph nodes and a constant desire to snooze.

But here’s the most amazing part.

Because believe it or not, this revelation did not come to me over another human being, but rather over my new casa. I moved this month, and I am having a VERY hard time allowing myself to enjoy the new pad. The trouble is, I have allowed myself to fall in love with the last two places I lived in – both just as cute, quaint, historic and full of charm as this one is.

But then there was this problem. And that problem. And the crazy neighbor (in my last place) and the tree roaches-on-steroids (in the one before that).

In other words, falling in love with a new place is dangerous and can lead to disappointment. Just when I get it all cute and festive and fixed up just the way Pearl and I like it…….incoming. I don’t want to watch my delight slowly fade (or quickly flee) yet again.

This perhaps explains why I have ongoing commitment issues in certain more romantic areas of life as well….although oddly I have no trouble committing to a certain feathery someone, to my family, to my best friends and to my writing…..

So perhaps my refusal to fall in love is situation-specific. In any case, it is there. That is all I know today.

Today’s Takeaway: Do you struggle in certain areas to let go – to feel your own delight – to fall in love? If so, what have you tried that has helped to allow you to fully engage in that aspect of your life?



Why I Refuse to Fall in Love

Shannon Cutts

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APA Reference
Cutts, S. (2019). Why I Refuse to Fall in Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 26, 2019, from


Last updated: 29 Mar 2019
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