I think I’ve entered phase two of the Corona virus fallout. I’m about a week or so away from the 6 month benchmark of being home and I’m struggling. Phase one was the first several months where I pushed myself to stay physically active – practice yoga and run – and now I’m barely running or doing my yoga routine, so I shouldn’t be surprised that I feel down.
It’s not like a down I’ve experienced before. I’ve had my bouts of depression over the years, so am familiar with those feelings and this is not that same type of feeling down. I just don’t feel like myself right now, and I have a fear of what it will take to get back to my old self. Sadly, if my environment has to stay stagnant, and I am supposed to continue to stay at home and socially distance, it’s hard to imagine the work that it is going to take to pull myself out of this state.
However, despite this current circumstance of my life, I have done some minor things in an effort to make some positive adjustments. I stocked my fridge full of Gatorade as if thirst quenchers is somehow going to make me feel better, but it’s a start. I purchased a new duvet cover cause it’s impossible to find bleach anywhere and I like to clean my duvet with bleach, so if it’s not available I’ll just buy a new one. Now, is a slight adjustment in my bedding going to help me sleep better? Highly unlikely, but it’s a try. Maybe that’s the name of this game: try. Even the word sounds empty like trying doesn’t mean there is going to be any guarantee of positive results, or even a result at all, but what other option do I have at this point?
So I can commit to myself that I am going to try. Try what exactly I am not sure. Try and take more walks, try and wash my hair more often than not, try and wear a dress, try and spray some Chanel perfume on my wrists and neck from time to time, try and cook something new, or try to cook period, try and read a new book, try and stay off of binge watching Hulu, try and pray, try and smile, try try try.