It’s a strange thing, but it makes sense when I break it down and be honest with myself.
Recently I was watching an episode of,“The Real Housewives of New York,” and one of the castmembers was talking about how she has to be careful when she is doing well cause that’s when she tends to get in trouble. She had been arrested after a night of heavy drinking, and was court ordered to not drink and was doing great then she relapsed. I thought about it, and all I could think was that is a sign of someone who is self-destructive.
A couple weeks ago, I was doing really well. I was being productive, I was focused, I was healthy, I was consistent with going to the gym, eating right, and working on my writing, and I felt great. My mood was elevated. I had a wholesome positive vibe. Mind you, it’s hard work to stick to a routine and take care of yourself, but it tends to pay off on many levels.
Then out of nowhere, I skipped one day of the gym and the next thing I know, I didn’t go back the next day or the day after, and a whole week went by without working out. I was also not being productive, I was eating junk food, I was missing work, I wasbarely leaving my apartment. It made no sense. How can I go from one extreme to another, then I realized I have a tendency to exhibit self-destructive behavior.
When I am doing well somehow I have to self-destruct and it’sbothersome, however, it forces me to take a good look at myself and examine what it is that is causing me to be self-destructive? How do I make sure I am aware of this tendency and not continue this cycle? It might stem from deep-seated insecurity, or feelings like I am not worthy of feeling good, but at least I can try and work on this cause it’s not fair to me to be “good” then turn around and be “bad.” What is the point of having a good week if you turn around and have a self-destructive week?
If you find yourself doing well and feeling great and all of a sudden you do a 180 you might want to consider what is at the root of this behavior. I might help you break a cycle in the long run.