Sometimes it feels like you just wake up one day and you’re depressed, when really there are signs of an upcoming episode if you pay close attention. However, for those that suffer from seasonal depression, it can be almost worse cause you know it is on the horizon and you can only do so much to control the inevitable.
I get depressed over the Holidays. Every year I brace myself, and it’s a struggle but I think what is worse than the depression is knowing that it is coming. It causes me anxiety and fear so I really try to do whatever I can to relax my way into it. I make an extra effort to not skip the gym. I am careful of what foods I put in my body. I make sure I get plenty of sleep. I take more time to keep my place clean. I try and make an effort to see friends. It’s exhausting but necessary cause if I know I’m inclined to get down over Thanksgiving and Christmas I have to do whatever I can to prepare myself.
This year the anxiety started this morning. I woke up in a sweat when I reflected on the past week and realized I have not been productive. I’ve been skipping the gym. I’ve been eating junk food. My floors have not been cleaned. I’ve been binge watching the same shows and watching the depressing news about the current state of politics. I’m like this hypocrite to myself since I know I am supposed to be doing the work to prepare for the seasonal depression but instead I am doing the opposite. But when I really think about it maybe it’s already here.
I guess I should start by making an appointment with my psychiatrist, but even the thought of going there gives me extreme anxiety so where’s the compromise?