I forgot to take my medication recently, and that has never happened to me before. There were just a handful of times when I would exit my place, and realize I forgot to take it, so would go back to retrieve it, however, this time I went a whole day without my medication without even knowing it. It wasn’t until the next day when I opened my pill box that I saw it was full of pills from the day before.
It baffled me cause I have never missed a medication since 2016. The thought of being up for days suffering from insomnia always haunted me, and kept me in line. The thought of rapid speech and people looking at me funny cause they had a hard time understanding me to the point where I would hear, “Slow down!” kept me in line. The thought of thinking I had these big ideas, and coming across arrogant with my grandiosity, kept me in line. The thought of my mind racing, and not being able to control my thoughts, kept me in line. The thought of being out of control with manic energy that might result in dangerous behavior, kept me in line. The thought of feeling anxious all the time, kept me in line. The thought of time moving so slow cause my mind was running so fast, kept me in line. The thought of the crash of depression that would make every day living a struggle, kept me in line. For all these reasons, I have always been adamant of being med compliant. However, so many mentally ill individuals fight taking meds. They are negligent, or don’t want to experience side effects, or don’t think they need it to begin with but, I’ve never been that person so, I wonder what exactly happened the day I forgot to take them.
When I worked in acute inpatient psych wards, part of my job was help placing patients in IMD’s (Institutions for the Mentally Diseased), and one of the main requirements in order to be discharged and accepted into an IMD were notes stating the patient was med compliant. This was always a challenge for me cause the patients were being dispensed different meds as the treatment team would alter dosages, or change medications to try and adjust to what was best for the patient. And even then you have patients that cheek the medication or, throw it up after taking it, which was a whole other challenge. Not to mention the ongoing pressure I experienced from the Doctors to discharge a patient cause beds were always scarce.
If I don’t like a medication cause I get fat, I change it. If I don’t like a medication cause it makes me drowsy, I change it. It took me years of trying different medications, different combos, different dosages to finally find Lamictal which I have been thankfully on for quite some time now. But, going back to my original question, “I forgot my medication?”
I don’t have an answer to it, and I’m not going to dwell on it but, it would be nice to know after all these years what happened that day I managed to walk out my door, and completely forget my Lamictal? Then, only to realize it a full day later when I saw my pill box full from the day before.