A handful of times recently I have gone to bed without showering. This never, ever, happens.
I’m not a clean freak or anything but at the very least, I usually make sure my feet are clean before entering my sheets, but lately, that is not the case.
This is worrisome. I managed to make it through the Holidays without any seasonal depression, which is rare, but now I wonder what’s going on. Part of the problem is I’ve skipped the gym on more than one occasion which is where I take my shower. So, if I don’t go workout, I don’t shower cause I don’t really need to but I have always gone to bed clean and fresh.
Why am I skipping the gym?
Sometimes we need a break from working out. It can get taxing and annoying to always feel the need to stay in shape, so I have no problem taking a break for a few days. Of course, that means I don’t get a shower in and, as a result, I should make it a point to shower at home. But I don’t.
Another problem: I find myself watching television in bed more often than in my living room. People say you shouldn’t watch tv in bed just like you’re not supposed to eat in bed, so I get it. But there has been a shift where I prefer to lie down comfortably in bed versus sit in a chair in my living space when I watch my shows. That is not good. These are minimal signs of depression, and for someone who is hyper-vigilant about making sure all is well in the mood swinging world, I have to step back and examine myself.
I was so proud to wean myself off of my anti-depressant, and was almost arrogant inside about only needing my mood stabilizer. Now I am not so sure about the whole thing. I was on Wellbutrin for a few years, and happy to finally be free from it. But I’m going to bed without cleaning my feet? The mere fact I can even sleep without realizing I haven’t showered is beyond odd.
Sometimes there are subtle signs that depression is on the horizon. If you pay attention you can catch yourself in depressive habits, and do what you need to do to make sure you don’t fall into a full-blown deep depression.
Am I going to go back on Wellbutrin? No, but, it’s something I’m going to have to discuss at my next psychiatrist appointment. Oh, that’s another thing. I rescheduled my last psych visit cause I didn’t think I needed it cause nothing has changed much in my mood and honestly, I didn’t feel like dropping $200 on a session. So there’s another red flag.
Maybe I needed the session despite the fact I didn’t plan on wanting to change my meds. I’m going in a couple weeks, and I always say if I feel like I need to go sooner I’ll make the appointment.
I’m not going to change the appointment but I am for sure going to keep the tv out of my bedroom. I am going to force myself to bath before bed, and I’m going to find my way back to the gym. It sounds simple but, for whatever reason, recently it hasn’t been.