So far, so good. I have managed to skate by my usual seasonal depression, and wonder what made things different this year? Ironically, after a couple years on an anti-depressant, I am fully off my Wellbutrin so, I should be more prone to slip into a depression but, like I said, so far so good.
Having said that, let’s take a moment to reflect. Well, from a work standpoint I am pleased with the books I put out this year. I still have no idea about how to market my books, or how to get people to care about them but, I’m ok with that. For now. I also continue to grow in my work in helping families suffering with mentally ill family members, which has been heavily rewarding. I’ve learned like most things in life you get what you give, hence, the more I delved into work and tried to do my best the better I became and was able to shape myself into the best version of myself.
From a social standpoint, I’ve been better at keeping in touch with my friends. I also made a new friend and have been great at maintaining communicating ourself of just texting so that’s good. Romantically speaking, I managed to finally rid myself from my sociopathic ex boyfriend, and you’re gonna love this. I knew after he disrespected me, and humiliated me that he would still come back, which he did. A few weeks ago I get a sex text in the middle of the night followed by four missed calls. Click, copy, send!
Yup, I sent it to his new girlfriend and CC’ed him which was quite the gutsy move on my part I have to say, and a complete 180 degree turn to what my response would have been a year ago. I never would have forwarded a sex text to him and his current girlfriend ever. Instead, I would feel bad about myself, I would feel sucked back in, trapped once again, I would waste time ruminating over the whole thing, so, to find myself standing up for myself and not putting up with shenanigans anymore was a huge step toward happiness, and step away from potential seasonal depression.
What else. Oh I manage to show up to Thanksgiving this year which is the first time in years, and it was ok. Just ok. I was stuck at the kids table which really pissed me off but, I did my best to be understanding. I try to show compassion for people that don’t know what box to put me in around a dinner table so just seat me at the kids table. I’m 41, single, no kids, speak openly about topics that might otherwise be avoided at a Thanksgiving dinner so ok, I’ll try to get over the table detachable but it was annoying.
Anyway, now I have the hurdle of Christmas to get ready for, and am grateful that I don’t envision spending it isolated and alone. I don’t see myself going full throttle with Christmas cheer and presents and decorations and stuff but at least I’m not dreading it. I don’t feel the wave of dark depression around me which is refreshing.
When I think about 2019 I feel optimistic. I feel hope, open doors, control over my wellbeing, and feel like have a better understanding on how to manage my mind. I guess I should say manage my behavior cause most of my problems stem from poor behavioral decisions so at least I can be vigilant on that and continue to evolve.
So if you happen to find yourself skating by seasonal depression, take some time to ask yourself what made things different this year. How are your environmental circumstances different from last year, and what changes did you make to position yourself in a better place. And, most importantly, what do you need to do to continue to move forward in a positive fashion for the upcoming year.
Happy Holidays everyone and goodbye to you my little seasonal depression antichrist friend!