A lot of people would say that writing you this letter would be a big waste of time, because sociopaths are known to be void of feelings. They lack a conscience so, writing this could very well be a waste of my time, but, after much thought, I’ve decided to pen this letter anyway, not for you, but for me.
After years of being sucked into your dark cyclical trap, I’m not surprised how things ended. I’m not surprised that you threw me under the bus; you made me out to be the villain or the crazy ex-girlfriend. So there are no surprises here but now, I know better.
I used to make excuses for your behavior. I felt bad that you had a harsh emotionally taxing childhood that unfortunately played a role in shaping you into the monster that you’ve become. I felt bad that abuse somehow made you the victim. But you’re not a victim. You know the difference between right and wrong, yet, you choose to behave poorly. And, that’s putting it nicely.
The truth is, you’ll always paint yourself as the victim while I am the true victim. You’ll continue to prey on good, honest, moral people like myself, which will inevitably result in a cycle of hurting people. You’ll probably move on to your next victim, maybe get married to some “good girl” that you’ll be able to manipulate and gaslight. You might have mediocre sex and seek outside kinky sex on the side. But, you will never be fulfilled. You will never live a full life. You’ll never gain insight into the trail of damage you impose on your victims, and on yourself cause you’ll never seek help. I know this cause years ago I got you, and paid for, a therapist, only to realize you flat out lied to your “help” as you painted yourself out to be someone that you’re not through lies and false accounts about your actions.
Do I regret spending all that money? Yes. Do I regret the time I lost? Yes. But, the insight, the knowledge, and the strength I’ve acquired through this experience, I’ll always have, and will carry with me throughout the rest of may life. And that is invaluable. I’m not going to thank you for that but, I will continue to grow and learn from my mistakes. I’ll continue to evolve and better myself which is what life is about, while you will remain in a tormented cyclical dark place.
I feel sorry for the people you’ll inevitably harm, but, like me, there’s hope. There are lessons to be learned, and there are lights at the end of tunnels. You have to want to change to change, and that’s never going to happen with you. You’re the same person that you were when I first met you, ten years ago. But, I’m not. I’m new and renewed. I have a life filled with solid, honest, real people that love me. I’ve been blessed with love and friendship that you’ll never attain.
So, this is my goodbye letter. Despite how things ended with us, which made me out to me the bad guy, loser, pathetic, crazy, insecure person, who knows what other labels you threw at me, but, it’s actually you that are those things. It’s you that never took responsibility for anything that you did, so you can never be the person of strength, knowledge, and beauty that I am today.
So, bye. Bye for now, and always, and forever. Don’t bother to respond to my letter, or show up at my door, or text me, or email me, or try to reach out, or track me down. There’s no point. I know your patterns. I know how you operate. What’s done is done, what’s now is now, and what’s in the future is mine, without you. Maybe it took awhile but, I am grateful to have landed at this place in my life. I am grateful to be the person that I am today.