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I love you, but I don’t like you very much

It has taken me a long time to figure out this situation but, I can finally say, with confidence, that I love you, but I don’t like you very much, so, we can never be friends, lovers, partners, nothing. Sounds like common sense but, when it comes to matters of the heart, there is no common sense in my opinion. So here’s how it went down.

Years ago I went through a bad breakup and, like an idiot, I took some time away then went back. Then the same issues occurred so I went away, then came back. I engaged in the ridiculous blocking game on and had bouts of blocking him then not blocking him and this went on and on for months, and I couldn’t seem to shake off the entire relationship. Some people can quit a relationship cold turkey.  I am not one of these people. I almost have to re-torture myself till the point where I just pray I’ve had enough and can walk away for good.

Yesterday, I woke up sad. I had yet another squabble with my EX, and couldn’t figure out why I was not capable of freeing myself completely from him, and then it hit me: I love him, I’m not in love with him, and I don’t like him very much.  Sounds odd but, I believe you can love someone, maybe for life, but if you don’t like them very much, it’s destined for doom.

So, I sat in my loft and stared at my phone. Come on Erica. You can do this! Call him up, tell him you want to talk, and drop the bombshell insight you’ve received, and get over with it already. I phoned him, not knowing if I was going to detect blockage, and was surprised he picked up.  I invited him over to talk and he could tell in my voice that it might not be good. Of course, as expected, he said, “I don’t want any problems,” and now that I better understand the term gas lighting, I felt strength and courage to move on.

Shortly after, he stopped by my place and after catching up for a bit I finally found it in me to say, “I think we love each other, but I don’t think we don’t like each other very much.” It felt better making it about both of us so it didn’t come across as rude.  And I still felt bad, a little sad, but it was the truth. It was the only conclusion I could reach to realize why I was still stuck (the love) and what it would take for me to get out (the dislike.) However, I’m not sure he actually heard me cause he just sat there. It wasn’t the first time I tried to communicate and got a blank stare but, without any liking in a relationship it’s gotta be over.

If you don’t like someone, what’s the point? Why would you want to be with someone who you don’t like in your life? It really is that simple. It kinda takes me back to middle school, when you liked someone or had a crush on someone you’d pass them a note that would read, “I like you.” Which was some weird code for I like you more than a friend. So it’s as if the seeds for understanding a relationship started way back then, and it has to start with liking someone.

Often we find ourselves locked in a toxic relationship that seesaws, and you wait for the day you will be completely done. Like I said, although I felt a little bad for saying it, I firmly believe it is the truth. So if you don’t like someone, it doesn’t matter if you love them. You gotta have both for the relationship to work.

 

I love you, but I don’t like you very much

Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough and Undressed.


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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2018). I love you, but I don’t like you very much. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 16, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2018/08/04/i-love-you-but-i-dont-like-you-very-much/

 

Last updated: 7 Aug 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Aug 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.