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I Feel Like A Sausage On A Treadmill

Did I think that buying tighter workout clothes was going to make me lose weight? Not really, but, here’s what happened.

I’ve always yoyo’d with my weight. I have a mood disorder, so am allowed to go up and down with my moods. Well, it’s more like I get skinny and think great now I can eat, then get fat and think great now I can’t eat.  It’s a stupid vicious cycle that I have learned to except with my Bipolar life.

So, currently I am on the heavy side of the pendulum and it’s starting to reflect in my clothes. (I think lowering my Wellbutrin has something to do with it but not going to go there.) I have an old sports bra that needs to be retired so recently bought a new one. I have always been a medium in clothes; rarely a large. So when I put this new medium bra on, it felt like I had wrapped duck tape around my chest. It was uncomfortable but, I thought it just needed to stretch out a bit.  Then I misplaced my workout pants so was forced to buy new ones.  I went to the store and perused the athletic section and found a pair on clearance for 9.99 dollars. I checked the sizes and their was plenty of extra small, and small, and a couple of mediums, and one large.  I stopped and thought ok, maybe I should get the large but, similar to tons of others out there in between sizes, sometimes we refuse to buy a new wardrobe, and refuse to admit or accept a change in size, and think squeezing into something is going to make you lose weight or something.

I am one of these people. So, I bought the medium and the next morning I was faced with the sport of putting on sporting gear.  It was worse than trying to fit into a pair of tight jeans, despite the fact that it was spandex.  Anyway, I got them on, went to the gym, got on a machine, and started working out.

About ten minutes into my workout, I felt like my whole body was suffocating. Here I had a sports bra that pretty much didn’t fit, and when I looked down my breasts were like two pillows stuffed together. My legging pants had a fish like net that already had a tear in it (I have to believe they came that way cause they were cheap to begin with) and I started to feel slightly sick. Is stuffing fat in spandex to the point where you feel like you can’t breath really going to make me lose weight? Is being so uncomfortable working out going to make me work out more so I can lose the weight?  Maybe my previous attire was stretched out and so I just wasn’t used to what regular tight workout clothes feel like on the body. It’s amazing how we can justify being fatter than usual. Yeah, it’s the clothes making me feel that way, not me. Sure, right, keep telling yourself that. Ridiculous.

So I finished my workout, and realized I spent the majority of it glancing in the mirror to check myself out to see how I looked in the new pants.  Did I look fatter than the previous ones? Not, really.  The fabric sucked me in so gave the allusion that I was skinnier than I actually was, which was nice, but, is that going to fix things? No.

When I left the gym I thought about going home and tearing up the damn pants with scissors or something. I didn’t want the fact they were so tight to be a reason, or excuse not to work out. Then I got home and saw that I had an older pair from ages ago that has already been broken in so decided not to trash them just in case. In case what? I lose enough weight to get into them and breath? Yup. So now I have a pair that’s too loose, and a pair that’s too tight, so on a fat day I’ll wear the lose ones, and on a thin day the tight ones, and have these stupid pants be a constant reminder of where I am in my ongoing mission to go back to my regular weight.  Is this a bad idea?  Probably, but it’s too late to return them and I don’t waste new clothes, even if they barely fit.

Or maybe I’ll alternate days, and on the days I wear the loose ones I will be so relieved and excited that I don’t have to squeeze into the tight ones that it will get me excited to work out. That’s actually not a bad idea.  And no, I am not ready to go back to the store and purchase a size Large.

At least not yet.

 

I Feel Like A Sausage On A Treadmill

Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough and Undressed.


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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2018). I Feel Like A Sausage On A Treadmill. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 12, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2018/07/23/i-feel-like-a-sausage-on-a-treadmill/

 

Last updated: 25 Jul 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jul 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.