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Dealing With Sexual Rejection

I was having dinner with an ex-boyfriend the other day, and  I found him making sexual advances toward me, which I rejected, and he flat out took off. Angry, frustrated, displeased, feeling rejected.

Wait, what? Ok, let’s set the stage.

When we were friends with privileges we had sex on a daily basis. Then, when we officially became a couple, he stopped all sexual interaction with me which left me confused. Very confused.  You go from having sex with a non-committed person, and it’s all the time, all of a sudden, it’s closed off, yet, were supposed to be a couple?

I had to dive deep into the psychiatry behind the situation.  He had a long history of sleeping with randoms, then had his stable of horses ready to go at his beck and call when he wanted sex. In other words, some sexual predators that are intimately not available, keep their list of people they hit up for their sexual needs.  And that’s it. But, when you go through a relationships with someone with a dysfunctional sexual history, you are always walking in unchartered territory.

When we became “a couple” so to speak, he halted all sexual contact.  I went from having sex every day to nothing for months.  It was the worst, weirdest, terrible, yet telling experience of my life.  Which is why I am sharing this with you now.  You can learn a lot about people based on their relationship to sex.

Once the relationship ended, now that person wanted to have sex with me?  WTF.

It took me a moment to comprehend that a person I was sexually active with, that turned into a relationship with no sex, then turned into a breakup with sex. It’s a hard tale to tell, but once I realized his intentions were rooted purely in sex, I had to stop kidding myself, and pretending there could be an adult relationship. I say adult, cause, it’s so high school to have a relationship with a man solely driven by sex.  Even worse, a college drive-by in the middle of the night, same stupidity.

So, the past few months, it seemed that I was a booty call, a drive-by, a woman that he had a history of years of a relationship, and it mettled down to this:

I’m at a restaurant with my ex having a good time, looking good, feeling good, and all his attention was pinned on leaving the establishment to go back to watch some HBO show called Succession.

Right! Go back and watch some show?! Please. I put off the idea more than one time to the point that he scurried out angry, annoyed, disappointed?

He left cause he didn’t have his way anymore. He had a shocker moment when he had to face his pattern. We started out as friends with privileges, and stopped that when I found out he was having sex with other people. Then we became a couple and he stopped having sex with me. It’s all so confusing but, I’m trying to point out that you have to examine the trends of your sexual relationships with people to better understand them, and yourself.

Why did he stop having sex with me while we were in a relationship, and now that we’re not that’s all he wants?

That’s when you delve into the psychology behind men, and find out they don’t even begin to examine their own behaviors, which is weird.  But, unless you break the pattern of people going about their business that doesn’t rest right in your mind heart and soul, they just keep on playing.

Nope.

Dealing With Sexual Rejection

Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough and Undressed.


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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2018). Dealing With Sexual Rejection. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 15, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2018/07/06/dealing-with-sexual-rejection/

 

Last updated: 10 Jul 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jul 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.