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How’s Your Sex Drive?

sex photoIt can be on the list of things to ask when you have to gage how a patient is doing.  You talk about habits like sleeping, how many hours are you getting etc?  “How often are you going to the gym?” I don’t do the whole count your steps or sleep app thing so, that answer is always a mess cause it depends on so many factors on a daily basis, I don’t have a real idea of my sleeping habits to better help you do your job. But, when it came down to the other habit, sex drive, here was my answer:

“You mean my sex life? Nothing. I don’t do anything. Don’t date… haven’t heard from my ex so, no not much.”

That was my response, more or less.

I thought about my psychiatrist question, and I know tracking certain human habits, blah blah blah was part of the how is she doing spectrum but, when he asked it this time, and I realized I hadn’t masterbated or thought about anything sexual for a long time, I stopped to think. Why?

Prior to the query, I was having an unhealthy in and out, hit it and quit it, midnight stands with my ex for several months so, despite the unhealthiness of it all, I was getting something.  Then it all stopped.

The drive by shootings, the late night booty calls, call girl phone conversations ceased, so I was left without any options.  So is that why I haven’t had a sex drive, or was the sex so good before now that I wasn’t going to start all over again with someone else.

I think the latter.  When you become a certain age, you know who you are and what you like and, in my case, I’ve been around the block so, it’s almost like why waste time knowing it’s not going to be like that last time.  It sounds hopeless, sad, slutty, whatever, but, when my shrink asked me about my sex drive and I haven’t had any sex, and I’ve always had something, it wasn’t a medication issue.  My meds hadn’t changed, and menopause to really screw things up is not quite on the table yet, so I was forced to think: Why is this the case?

Now here in lies the problem.  It’s not on my mind cause I have some notion that I’ve had it good already, so why venture out for what I assume will be not such a great experience. Why take the time when you end up unfulfilled in bed.  But, you can’t just keep going back to the vicious cycle of sex with you ex just cause it’s good, but, you do.  So, when you don’t have that option, where does that go? Nowhere.

It leaves me sitting in my psychiatrist office talking about other things cause like my session, in my mind, I put off any other options cause, like I said, been there and done that and it was good, so, I’ll shelf all that sex drive for a minute till I figure out what will be my next move.

Am I going to continue down the slippery sad sloppy of sex with an ex just cause it’s good, and negate any other opportunities on the horizon? I hope not, but, it’s complicated.

There is always more out there.  There is always other forms of intimacy and love and sex and all of it, so, closing doors cause you have had great sex with an ex is truly a stupid idea.  An idea that I had, till I was fronted with that question:

How is your sex drive?

It’s not necessarily how is your sex drive, but, how do you think about sex?  Why are you having or, not having sex?  Those loaded questions will better lead you to a better understanding of who you are, where you’re at, and want you want, next.

How’s Your Sex Drive?

Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough and Undressed.

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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2018). How’s Your Sex Drive?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 17, 2019, from


Last updated: 9 Jun 2018
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