I’m turning 41 next month, and recently I watched a show where a 38-year-old woman was contemplating freezing her eggs in the event she decided at some point in the future that she wanted to have another kid. She spoke about it with her mother who said, “Well, it’s a good insurance policy.”
When I was in my late 30’s, I remember my gynecologist broaching the topic with me, and maybe thought about it for a split second.
It sounded so scientific at the time, not to mention expensive, so I put it in the back of my mind.
Till last night. When I went to bed I couldn’t sleep. I found myself having feelings that I did not expect. I felt anxious, irresponsible, desperate, and resentful. I was kind of jealous that this person on this reality show had the option when I too had the option presented to me a few years ago, and declined.
Then I tried to focus on the upside of things. Why three year ago was I hesitant to even have the conversation with my gynecologist to begin with? Well, I was not in a healthy relationship (still single with no prospects), I enjoy my freedom (I don’t have any trouble being alone and don’t need a child to fill some void), I don’t make enough money (it’s expensive to have kids, let alone freeze some eggs), and soon realized that even though time has passed, and my time is coming to an end, my sentiments about freezing my eggs remained the same as they did a few years ago.
Having said that, I would like to believe that if it was meant to be, it was meant to be, and right now, it’s not in the cards but, I didn’t expect to have those unexpected feelings, when I am not expecting.