Recently, I got in a tiff with a friend that happens to be a control freak that has turned into a full flown fight, and I has forced me to stop and think about why…
One word: Control
I am a free spirit that has trouble with authority, and have issues about feeling restricted to the point where I can’t even wear a watch on my wrist cause I it makes me feel confined. Yes, I am serious. But, I didn’t realize how bad it was till I stopped and thought about the history of relationships that I’ve had in my life that entailed a controlling individual, and why it has effected me.
Throughout my life, whether it was a family member, co-worker, friend or acquaintance, the second I would feel an attempt to be controlled, I would get anxiety and run for the hills. This behavior has resulted in ruined relationships but, it’s not all my fault. Yes, I admitted to having issues but, someone that is a control freak tends to have that condition for life.
So where does that leave me? Am I not going to have any positive relationships with control freaks? Maybe. Sadly, resistance to control causes me stress, and can trigger emotions from a long ago when I was growing up and, thanks to my hypo mania, was raised with a strict environment.
I was not a difficult child, but, having Bipolar II definitely wasn’t easy on my parents. Especially when we didn’t know anything about Bipolar II, or mental health conditions in general. When I acted out I was disciplined and seemed to get in “trouble” more often then my siblings. So, experiencing imposed control on me has left me watch-less, sensitive and overly cautious. But thankfully, now I can make the connection as to why it has been so hard for me. So I just have to figure out on how to navigate through relationships with control freaks sans trauma, anxiety and stress, so I don’t lose out on people like my friend along the way.