I bought my ticket in July for a concert last week. Guns N Roses were back on tour.

I was anxious about it cause I have trouble committing to things but, Guns n Roses has always mirrored feelings I’ve felt throughout my life so I bought the ticket.

Then it sat in the back of my mind that I had to be somewhere, to a concert that I paid for, cause I have trouble committing to anything and as the days approached I started to chicken out.  I tried to sell the ticket.  No dice. Chickening out meant when you don’t commit to anything and do, there is a level of anxiety that sets in cause going somewhere you are committed to go to at some time was foreign to me.

When I was 12 years old I went to the  Rolling Stones Steel Wheels concert at the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles and Guns N Roses opened. At the time, I had a mix tape with Def Leppard “Pour Some Sugar On Me” and Guns N Roses “Sweet Child of Mine.”  I loved Sweet Child of Mine.  When I got to the concert, at the end Axel Rose asked the audience to pick between Sweet Child and Paradise City.  It was a no brainer to me but, the audience picked Paradise City.

I was annoyed but ok. Time passed.

A decade later I found myself at the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas at my next G N R concert without Slash and it wasn’t the same. It was terrible actually.  So, I was like ok.  I’ll stick to listening to the albums.

Then they came back as the originals. They regrouped. And it was twenty years later.

I’m 40.  This shit started at 12 years old.  So when I bought the ticket I had trepidations about it but knew this band got me through myself, and despite my issues with commitment and everything I was going to go.

I had a bad Thanksgiving.  I starting to feel sad and worried about seasonal depression, and had the ticket sitting on my desk.

I wasn’t going to go. I thought I can watch G n R live in Tokyo AGAIN on YouTube and it’ll be ok. Or, I guess fill a void that I was running from.

Then I talked to a friend that is married with children and she said what an escape!!  You  might meet some cool people.

She was all into it, then I realized it would be an escape from myself.  From my isolation, my anti commitment, just go.

So, I got there. I sat down in my seat and looked around. And there were my compadres.  The older generation that were that kid at 12 listening to G N R on their cassette tapes.

The concert started and as it progressed, I found myself reminding myself how awesome it is to be there with live music, live people, life everything everywhere.

I walked home hoping that feeling will get me to the next committed thing.

I’m going to see Dave Chapelle at the Forum next month.

One day, one week, one month at a time.

My ball is rolling..e