Why God, why?! I have spent months working on meditation, which takes the form of sitting in the steam room at my gym after I work out, and doing the rosary in my mind. And, for the most part, I am good and blocking out all thoughts and just focusing on the prayer then yesterday, I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden my only thoughts were of the pending holidays and the overwhelming stress that will take hold cause I not only suffer from seasonal depression but all the dynamics of my family are a mess since my father died last year, and I am starting to get anxious.
So why, out of all the times of the day, does my mind decide to bring up all these terrible emotions in the ONE place and time I am supposed to do the opposite? Is my mind messing with me? Is my mind testing me? Is it my brains natural inclination to go to bad thoughts at a time where I am supposed to be free from everything but my focus on God, and my focus on a clear burden free mind?!
I don’t get it. It baffles me, but, at least I am aware of it, and now I can make it a challenge for me to curb it in the upcoming weeks. For whatever reason my meditation is being tormented by holiday stress I am not having it. It is not fair. I have worked too hard on establishing a routine meditation that does not include holiday stress. Pray for me please.