I have been singled out over and over when it comes to being invited to something, and say no, and get hounded and hounded and why, why, come on, you’re going etc… It’s exhausting. Why does NO mean nothing to people? And for others, it’s fine.

I have a friend that is having a birthday party and I am not going.  I have my reasons. And when I say no, I am confronted with a plethora of questions by everyone involved in the party, in some way or another, and it is driven to make me feel guilty or something? Will this change my mind? No.

And this is not the first time this has happened, and sometimes it keeps my up at night cause it’s annoying, and I don’t know when the next time will hit, and the pending party comes up, and people pressure me again and I have to say no, again.  Is it a respect thing?  Do people don’t listen enough to respect my response, or wishes?

YES!

Then I think, maybe I am the one that needs to tell myself no means no.  Why am I the one that gets fueled with anxiety with the thought of someone poking away at me; at my decision.

Back in high school, I had the same problem. I would be asked to go to a party or something, and I never wanted to go. Then I realized that people just wanted me there cause I’m fun or something. I was an anomaly if I showed up.  I’m not the bell of the ball or anything, but maybe people think my personality is wanted at a gathering.  Either way, I didn’t want that. And no, I am not going to feel honored or special if you ride me over and over to get me to go to a social event when I said NO.

“Everyone just wants you to be there cause they love hanging out with you.”  That’s what my friends would say to justify their persistence or something, but no.  Back off.

Having said that, I have to stop and wonder, maybe I have the problem, and I blow it out of proportion, and inflict the guilt on myself when no one really cares.  I don’t know. What I do know is that when I say no, that doesn’t fly. No doesn’t mean no.  And I just don’t get it. And it brings me down, gives me anxiety, and causes a lot of stress. I don’t even want to be around people when they talk about it, or discuss planning etc… cause every time I will be asked or reminded or persecuted for my right for a decision, my freedom of will ok. God gave me that so stop harassing me.  It’s harassment by the way if you are someone that does this. Not cool.

Do I have to lie and make up some story for people to back off, cause for some odd reason my answer NO means nothing?

So is it me or them, probably both, but I hate that I have to deal with it, and have it overcome my mind to the point of unhappiness.  Why doesn’t no mean no to some people, but for others, it’s fine?

Why am I always the target of harassment when I say no?

There is something about me that makes people think they can go there, and poke at me again and again, but also, there is something about me that allows it to get to me. That’s a whole other problem but what can you expect when your word means nothing.

Honestly, I don’t think I am the problem, even though it happens to me all the time.  I think I need to find a way to come up with another answer than NO.

What else is there?!