I can’t stop squeezing my stomach fat. It’s a weird type of depression cause I know every time I grab the fat, it mentally brings me down, and I think it’s a symptom of an under lying depression that causes me to do it.

Sounds weird but, I’ve had my fat rolls my whole life. They haven’t changed, or grown or anything, so why now am I so worried about it, obsessed about it, it’s not normal for me. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think about it, poke at it, hate it. It’s sad, but I’m learning from it. It’s a symptom that somethings not right.

As someone who is very weight conscious, I know that gaining weight in the past has caused me depression, but, I’m not fat right now; I’m at my normal weight so, experiencing this newfound ongoing mental focus on my stomach fat, is slightly worrisome, and extremely bothersome.

When my Dad died last your I gained some weight, obsessed over it, then I lost it. When I was on lithium I gained some weight, obsessed over it, then I lost it. During both of those times I was depressed, hence, it has been my pattern. But now, not having a concrete reason for depression, yet seeing this strange symptom unfold makes me wonder…am I depressed?

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