I had a volleyball from college that I kept when I graduated. It managed to hold onto it and as I moved, it moved with me across my life.
From New York to Los Angeles back to New York to West Hollywood to finally, Downtown LA.
When I moved, (with my ball), to Downtown LA I didn’t have any friends but managed to meet some neighbors.
Then one day one of the guys on my floor borrowed the volleyball and played with it at my neighbors place. The ball ended up getting mutilated by my neighbor’s bulldog. We were close friends and he was the type of person I respected as someone that would do the right thing, or at least say something other then what he said:
“It’s not my fault, Jim brought it in here.”
“Yeah but it’s your dog.”
I expected at the very least an apology but no. He took zero responsibility and blamed the person that brought the ball into the home. Then blamed me for allowing him to take it over when really I had no idea.
I think about that simple example: I had a volleyball, that was destroyed by my neighbor’s dog yet, somehow there was no apology. Somehow it also was my fault for allowing the ball to be in his place to begin with which only made me angrier. Can you not say I’m sorry?! No, some people can’t, and I’ve learned that these people have personality issues.
Looking back, I realize that there were signs of perhaps a mental illness by someone not capable of an apology. Something as silly as a ball being destroyed, and a person having no remorse about it, could have been a red flag.
There are always signs of ill people that you may not understand, or see till further down the line. What’s important is that you keep track of your feelings in matters like this to avoid bad situations in the future. Why didn’t I get an apology for a helpless dog and a new volleyball when instead I heard:
“It’s not my fault.”
Signs of Cluster B
Back then I let it go, but now, I know better!