I give up, I am over it, after 40 years of struggling with insomnia I just have to embrace it and make an effort on a nightly basis to accept it.

I think it was about five years ago I started taking Restoral and thought the stress of my job was the reason for having to take it. Sometimes I would even take it when I went to bed then another one when I woke up in the middle of the night when round two of insomnia would set in. If I didn’t I would find myself fueled by anxiety and restlessness.

Then I left my job and thankfully I got a less stressful position and thought ok, it’s time to stop taking my sleep aide and I don’t  need  Restoral but I was wrong. Every night my mind decided now I’m going to race, now I’m going to think about other things than work. What am I going to eat tomorrow, why hasn’t he called me back, what am I going to wear to my sister’s wedding, it could be anything and I was left

Last night I thought I’m not going to take it. I got into bed at my usual scheduled time and my mind started to spin. After two and a half hours of trying to fall asleep I gave up and took the pill.

For five years now I’m still a slave to a sleeping pill and have come to realize that stressing over insomnia isn’t going to help anything. At this point in my life, forty years later, I just have to come to accept it. Maybe just accepting it will take the pressure off to curb it. Maybe by acceptance I will be more free despite the anxiety that is the bedrock of insomnia.

Maybe, just maybe.

Photo by Unlisted Sightings