To block or not to block. We’ve all done it, well, most of us have, we break up with someone, or have a falling out with someone, and immediately block them from our phone. Sometimes we do it impulsively cause we’re angry, then cool off and unblock them. Maybe we are curious to see if, or when, the person might call, or get anxious with the idea that it’s over.  The whole thing is a psychological mess and I feel for everyone that falls into it.  I think a lot of it deals with control.

It begs the question does the blocker have control, or the blockee?

When it comes to blocking someone from your phone who’s really in control? I initially thought the blocker but now, given it some thought, I think it’s the one who decides not to block a person that has control.  But, it also depends on specific circumstances.

For example, I spoke with a friend recently who met this guy and went on a few dates but was dating and everything seemed cool. But, early on in the dating process he became obsessed. He called her incessantly and seemed obsessed.  It got to the point where she had to end it and he didn’t take it so well.  He continued to call and more or less stalk her so she ended up having to block him from her phone. I am assuming he eventually gave up but she’ll never know cause she decided to never have contact with him again and by blocking him she took control over the situation.  That’s one scenario.

Then there’s me. I’ve been in a relationship where we’re together then we break up then go back together then break up and back together and each time I engaged in a blocking game. When we were on one of our timeouts I found myself having trouble figuring out if I should block him, and what that would do to our in and out relationship. If I block him will he get pissed and completely end it? Or, will it make him want me more, cause he doesn’t have access to me. The blocking game is a total mess and psychological nightmare.

Recently, we decided to give it another shot, and take it slow. Ok, I can do that. After we talked I called him a couple days later and I was blocked. What? So you don’t want to try and take things slow, or, did you lie and just say that cause you didn’t want to hurt my feelings? Did he change his mind and just not have the guts to tell me so just blocked me instead? So there I was wondering well, tit for tat, if you’re going to block me, then I’m going to block you. So I did, but for some reason or another it made me feel weak. Like I was exercising avoidance and lacking control. I felt like if I didn’t block him that meant I had control cause I wasn’t hiding behind a blocked number.

The blocking game is rough. I’ve engaged in it, and have come to the conclusion that it is not for me. Unless it’s a situation like my friend where someone might stalk you, I think it’s childish and shows a lack of personal control when you block someone. And the emotional stress it causes is terrible. People get in a fight with someone and immediately block them then think oh s**t what if they call and I won’t know and I want to know if he or she is trying to reach me just to see. But if I am trying to move on, isn’t blocking the best way to go?  I don’t know.  All I know is I feel less in control when I block someone. It makes me feel childish and unable to face reality. If I don’t want someone in my life I should just tell them cause that to me means I am in control.

And being blocked by someone that doesn’t have the guts to communicate shows they lack control over their feelings. I think. I don’t know.  Maybe some of you readers have some insight, or stories to tell.

Bottom line, to block to not to block, that is the question.