Recently I’ve had some life changing events that have caused some new challenges and emotions in my life that I have never had to deal with before. In the past, when I had occurrences that caused me turmoil, I always had my go-to people that I would call to seek help and advice. However, lately due to some unfortunate circumstances, I have found it hard to pick up the phone. I don’t want to bother people. It started when I would call my go-to friends and would vent on things and gradually whenever we would chat it would be all about me. How was I doing? Are things better? How can I help? I found it frustrating and not fair cause they wouldn’t talk about their lives, and if I tried to ask them questions they would quickly redirect the conversation back to me. Usually conversations with friends are a two way street, so, I stopped answering calls, or texts of concern cause it didn’t seem fair.
Then one day I was talking with a friend and half way through our conversation which consisted of throwing the kitchen sink of my issues at them, I stopped and apologized. I felt bad that I was brewing negative feelings when maybe they had problems in their own life that they needed to discuss. When I expressed that the person looked at me confused and said, “Why would you ever say that? That’s why I’m here. That’s why we’re friends. You can call me anytime for anything and we’ll chat.” It brought tears to my eyes cause I realized I was blessed with amazing people in my life that do get something back from hearing my worries. Instead of feeling like I wasn’t bringing anything to the table as far as advice, or an ear for their problems, I realized that what can seem to be a one sided conversation isn’t necessarily always the case. It can be some form of giving back, cause that fact that my friends could be there for me meant something to them.
Having said that, if you find yourself feeling bad about taking up all of a conversation with a go-to friend, think again. Maybe it’s working on a deeper level for them in their lives. Finding friends that listen and give back again and again is a gift, but you might also be a gift to them when they know that they are there for you 100%.