Well it happened, finally. The denial of my loved ones death came to a screeching halt, and of course it has to happen at work. I was not prepared for it.
That morning I woke up from a nightmare. I thought I was hanging out with my loved one then all of a sudden they disappeared, and I realized they were gone. When I woke up I was like ok that was weird. I felt a little sick but thought that it’s ok, just continue on with your routine. So I did. I got dressed, made my bed, said goodbye to my cat, and was off.
Then two hours into work I was sitting at my desk and burst into tears. The tears were so hard and uncontrollable I was freaked out about how I was going to get the hell out of the office without everyone knowing, but, my breakdown was so bad I couldn’t move. I was shaking and struggling for air.
One of my co-workers showed up and tried to console me. I wasn’t even embarrassed by my hysteria cause I couldn’t even think straight. I tried to call my therapist to make an emergency appointment but my fingers wouldn’t work so my co-worker called for me. I was able to make the appointment and sneak out the door before anyone else saw my attack.
I knew this day would come and kinda thankful the denial stage is finally over, but, now I have to face a new stage in life. Reality. And reality is fresh and new and everywhere.