It hit me like a sad brick. I don’t want to leave my home for a few days cause I don’t want to leave my non-pharmaceutical anti depressant pill: The Fat Man. I’ve written about my fat cat before but now that I am exiting a depression I see that I’m tied to that live being that carried me through my rough patch. And despite what the Internet says, I feel anxious with the thought of leaving a feline for more then a day or two. (Internet says 3-5 days is fine.)
But it’s not fine to me. It doesn’t sit right with me and it’s sad cause I want to go on a hike in Northern California with my sister but sorry about that person that was my rock through all this episode of hard times.
The Fat Man is a non-antidepressant pill that can never replace an antidepressant medication but, it impedes my ability to do things cause it’s like leaving a child. I know it sounds ridiculous but, anyone that has gone through depression knows the value and significance and importance of a pet. I looked into cat sitters etc… but this fat cat hides in the face of foreigners and will eat till his heart desires which would be dangerous.
Anyway, I have to find a way to get over it. Is my mental health more important than my cat? Ah, obviously not, cause it anchors me to my place but, I think it’s a lifetime of trying to please others, and feel guilty about everything I do, that makes me put everyone else before myself, even The Fat Man.
It will be a major move to find a way to move away for a few days, and not feel guilt or anxious, and it’s sad that this is how I feel but, at the same time, I feel like that for a reason.
I put others first, even animals, so this is expected. And a major lesson for me to learn. Where do I find the line between allowing myself to go away for a few days without worrying ,and realizing it’s not a big deal.
But, more importantly, what does this say about my current condition. Well, no matter the situation, I put everything and everyone before myself to the point of entrapment.
I gotta deal.