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How Did I Fall Victim To A Narcissist?

Excuses Excuses Excuses: I can’t tell you how many excuses I have made to justify narcissistic behavior. Sadly, once you start making excuses for a narcissist, it begins to become normalcy. Your excuses become a form of truth cause when you start to come up with excuses, and continue to hold onto those excuses, you start to believe them, which can result in becoming lost and trapped.

Denial: Similar to excuses, denial takes center stage. Once you make an excuse you avoid the truth and enter denial mode. This also has a domino effect where your excuses turn into denial and your denial becomes your base line. The only way to attempt to wake yourself up out of denial is to stop making excuses, so, when you find yourself making excuses take note and really think about being truthful to yourself, and your situation.

Unconditional Love: This is a tough one. When a narcissist enters your circle of unconditional love, you can easily allow yourself to become a victim. Unconditional love can be a scary thing for it also plays into excuses and denial on a real powerful level. We don’t always have control over the people we love but at the end of the day, you have to have unconditional love for yourself first and foremost or else you will have a much harder time fighting your way out of tolerating a narcissist. And just because you unconditionally love someone doesn’t make it okay to allow for a person to get away with their narcissistic behaviors.

Insecurity: I don’t think of myself as an insecure person, but, when I see a pattern of allowing narcissism to prevail in my life, I have to find a way to stand up for myself. Again, it’s a snowball effect. I made excuses, that turned into denials, which got fueled by my unconditional love which resulted in a lose of the self and confusion about what is right or wrong or good or bad for me. Then finally, guilt.

Guilt: Once guilt sets in, cause you are still tolerating a narcissist, it only exasperates the situation and hinders your confident self. When you love someone conditionally it’s important to set boundaries and not fall into being a victim of a narcissist. Once you do that guilt will diminish. Think of guilt as the poison that impedes your ability to move forward and break away from a toxic relationship.

So to sum up, think about these five elements that one will come across when trying to manage a narcissist. You really can’t manage anything, especially a narcissist, until you manage yourself.

Man in the mirror photo available from Shutterstock

How Did I Fall Victim To A Narcissist?

Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough and Undressed.

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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2015). How Did I Fall Victim To A Narcissist?. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 18, 2020, from


Last updated: 16 Dec 2015
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