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Depression Part IV


shutterstock_166013861Weekend number three happened. I’m still trying to monitor how my antidepressant I started about a month ago is working. So, let’s see, weekend number one I went out dancing alone at a hip hop club. Weekend number two I went out dancing at a DJ warehouse party and tore up the dance floor, alone. And now it’s weekend number three and we’ll see what happens…

Weekend number three was tragic.

Something has gone wrong. I don’t know what happened, I just know that I couldn’t get out of my bed yesterday and cried in my sheets. The kind of cry from the bowls of your stomach that you haven’t ever heard spill out of your mouth. I couldn’t make it to work today, which is just another added stress. I’ve been trying to figure out or gage what the antidepressant is doing or how it is working, or not, and I’m lost. I take baths and clean my sheets so nothing will reek of depression. That may be a long shot by the way. I went to bed at 5 pm the last couple days, and still can’t seem to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, and didn’t take my antidepressant yesterday, or today. Maybe it had a reverse effect on me or something cause none of this makes sense to me, at all. Maybe when you have a pill to help depression it turns on you and makes you more depressed. I’m seeing my psychiatrist Friday so maybe by then I’ll have a better idea of what is going on; cause whatever is causing this episode of depression can’t just be pinned on a pill. There are external vices looming over my head that can’t be solved with a medication, but, who’s to say that the medication is causing a worse state of mind. You can’t expect a pill to fix things, but, I didn’t expect that it might just have made things worse.

We’ll see what my shrink says come Friday. Last time I barely made it there. This time will be another opportunity to gage how I’m doing. If the medication is worth the crying that is foreign to me.

Depression image available from Shutterstock.

Depression Part IV


Erica Loberg

Erica Loberg was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. She attended Columbia University in New York and graduated with a BA in English. She is a published poet and author of Inside the Insane, Screaming at the Void, What Men Should Know About Women, What Women Should Know About Men, Diamonds From The Rough , Undressed, and I'm Not Playing.


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APA Reference
Loberg, E. (2014). Depression Part IV. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 23, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2014/11/10/depression-part-iv/

 

Last updated: 12 Nov 2014
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