The Fighter Inside 

What people don’t understand about addiction, and when I say people, I mean anyone that suffers from addiction, is the addiction is the addiction.

It’s not drugs, love, alcohol, sex, or food friendly.  Addiction is not about a single source, it’s something else altogether that even addicts try to wrap their heads around. It’s not a substance or a behavior that defines an addict.

The addiction is an addiction. The mind doesn’t wander to an addictive level.  It lives in it.  It’s a constant moment-to-moment battle within the mind that gets a label: Addiction.

Fighting addiction is a combination of self-reliance to a self that fights the addictive self.  It’s a practice that demands a constant conversation with the voice of addiction.  It is hard, but possible, and doable. Each moment of everyday.  And it will always be a moment-to-moment choice, or situation to make you choose and mark yourself.  Don’t mark yourself as an addict.  Like any human being, you’re a constant work in progress that gets shaped and developed with each addictive moment.  And you get stronger and stronger, even when you feel weak, there’s strength in that moment.

Having said all that, I wrote this in my diary in 2005.  I am still trying to figure it out… I guess.

Addiction – 2005

When you are an addict, there is no such thing as moderation.  Moderation is a pipe dream that you’ll never achieve so it’s best to give up on that dream and deal with the reality.

You are always going to want one more drink, one more cigarette, one more bite, because the truckload you already ingested is not enough.  It is never enough, nor is it ever going to be enough, so it’s important to be aware of the vicious cycle of more more more.  Embrace the nature of addiction and through acceptance you realize the impulse is a part of your genetic make up and will never change.  So what do you do?

People do not change but are shaped by their environment.  Changing your environment is key to making way through the urge to splurge.  You would think growing up with a relative or friend who is an addict would be enough environmentally to not pick up an addiction, but it’s not.  You may become that person and when you do, it forms a ball of self-loathing in the pit of your soul, that is made worse by feeding it.  Watering that pit with your addiction is the last thing anyone should do.  So how do you stop?  How do you become a moderate person?  I don’t.  Cry.

And that was back in 2005. Who knows the killer of addiction, but, taking a look at these two writings almost a decade apart I can say this:

It’s best to keep on your toes, and connected to that self.  “If you can’t beat them, join them.”  “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” (The Art of War.)  Make friends with that voice.  You might find yourself easing your way to non-addictive behaviors better then you think.

You got this one.  Don’t let your addiction foul ya!


Alcoholic photo available from Shutterstock