my job sucksMy job sucks — like bad.  But when I think about it, most of the jobs in my life have sucked, and I’ve had to deal.  I’ve never had a job that fits my needs. Or my mind.  Having chronic hypo-mania can be a difficult condition to manage in the work force ’cause you can multitask and complete tasks faster than the person next to you, BUT that same ability to excel at an accelerated pace leads to problems.

You finish your work wayyy before your co-workers do and people notice so they dump more work on you.  You think so much and so fast that you get bored really easily.

I took a good look at my employment history and it’s laced with bipolar tendencies.  I almost have to laugh when I look at my resume; at how I’ve worked all over the place.  The only consistency in my life has been my writing.  I’ve written over 600 poems and a book and am still struggling with my “work…job…career…”  I’m not sure what to call it anymore.

Everything was fine when I was in the comfort zone of Utopian academia, but my life really unraveled after I graduated from college and had to enter the real world.  Was it a mental illness that started to kick in during my twenties that caused the problems when it came to finding a satisfying career?  I think so.

Unhappy businesswoman photo available from Shutterstock
Bipolar II is an interesting disease to follow when you take a look at your resume.  Mergers and Acquisitions, TV Production, start-up internet companies, working in psych wards, applying for a PhD (twice. And rejected, twice) and writing. Writing was not by choice.  Writing was the only thing that gave me some peace and released me from the constant arrows of thoughts always pumping in my brain.  I finally got published but am not a working writer — yet.

So now I am back in the vicious cycle of living a bipolar work experience.  Jobs here, there, in, out, up and down.  And all along I am not happy. And I do believe, beyond any doubt, that being Bipolar II is to blame for the erratic nature of my resume and overall life work experience.

I know I’m not alone in not being unsatisfied in a job, but in every job?  I feel trapped, again and we are living in an economy that puts the fear of God into people with jobs that they loathe and want out of.  You better not complain, and God forbid, quit. If you have a mental illness and go out on leave for depression or something, don’t be fouled.  You most likely won’t get disability insurance and you can forget about unemployment. So you are left with a terrible situation.

Yes, I am lucky in today’s economy to have a job and lots of people don’t like their jobs, but what if I am in danger of hurting my current state of mental health because of my job?

I don’t have the answer to that.  I’m still working on it.  For now I can at least admit that having Bipolar II will always cause challenges when finding, obtaining and remaining in any and every job — for life.