My name is Tiffany, and I have a little man named Felix who was diagnosed with ADHD this year. My sister (the author of this super-informative, crazy awesome blog) asked me to do a guest post for you guys. So let me start by saying Happy New Year!
Then let me tell you all about my New Year’s resolution and how my kiddo has influenced it.
(Here’s a picture of me and my tiny babes.)
Like every other mom on the planet, one of my resolutions for the New Year is to be a better mother. That’s been on my list every year since my sweet guy was born. Every year, I resolve to be more intentional, more mentally present, more patient, and more understanding.
Thinking back on the past year with Felix, though, has been an emotional doozy for me. Because not only am I Felix’s mom, but I’m also Elsie’s mom.
And I’m Andi’s step-mom.
And I’m Yancy’s wife.
And I’m a full-time college student.
And all of those things change a whole lot about being Felix’s mom. Bearing all those titles at once adds up to a really heavy load.
Of all of my titles, though, I think being Felix’s mom is the one that carries the most weight. He has ADHD and a plethora of other diagnoses that make parenting him tricky and extra exhausting.
Over the last three years or so, Felix has had more bad days than good… which means so have I. Every time Felix has a meltdown, I have to observe what’s going on inside of him. Figuring that out is like putting together a 5000 piece puzzle with only half the pieces.
Is the meltdown because of his ADHD? Is it Sensory Processing this time? Or is it because of his OCD? Is it Anxiety or Adjustment Disorder? Is it his Autism? Or am I just failing at mothering my very unique child?
Countless times, it’s felt like the latter.
Despite the constant reassurance from my husband, and knowing in my heart that I have not failed as a mother, I’ve still spent too many days going through meltdowns of my own. Sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing, as I’ve prayed to make it through the day. Replacing meal, after meal, after meal with coffee because real food just doesn’t salvage my sanity.
Strategically pulling out fifteen hours of my kids’ favorite movies so I can (maybe) rest my exhausted body on the nearby couch… knowing I was coming down with yet another stress-induced illness.
But this year, things will be different.
This year, I will make sure my family’s good days outweigh the bad, even if only by changing my perspective. This year, I will be intentional about taking time to myself to regain my sanity. This year, I’ll remember to be an individual outside of motherhood, wifehood, and studyhood.
This year, I’ll set the tone for my household in a positive, uplifting manner.
I’ll be more mentally present when my kids are seeking my attention. I’ll be more patient in the midst of meltdowns, during Walmart trips and long car rides, and in the middle of the night when both children up in my bed.
This year, I’ll be more understanding of the chaos that encompasses our life. The chaos that is my firstborn.
The chaos that has taught me many lessons, brought me many tears, and gifted me with many beautiful memories along the way.
Here’s to 2016 and to all the mothers that are resolving to be just a little bit better. And here’s to all of our kids, with and without diagnoses, loving and forgiving us along the way.
Blessings and love to all of you in 2016!