"We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love." –Tom Robbins In my 25 years as a couples counselor I’ve been privileged to work with hundreds of couples, old and young, straight and gay, and of various socioeconomic and religious backgrounds.
“Love guards the heart from the abyss.” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart I’ve had the privilege in my 25 years as a couples counselor of working with hundreds of couples. They’ve been old and young, straight and gay, and of various socioeconomic and religious backgrounds.
Our choice of a long-term romantic partner or mate is one of the most important decisions we make in our lifetimes. Yet sometimes it seems a mystery why we choose who we do.
If you and your partner are stuck in repeated arguments that leave you both feeling not heard, it may be because you have different attachment styles.
Intimate relationships can go south when partners get stuck in a pursue-withdraw cycle.
If your relationship feels stuck in repeated arguments that go nowhere, it may be because deeper issues are being triggered that have to do with attachment wounds or your unique attachment style. To get your relationship out of a rut it can be helpful to address attachment issues at the source rather than recycling the same old arguments.
One of the most common problematic dynamics among couples is a pursuer-withdrawer “dance.”
Avoidant partners create distance, limit communication and fly beneath the radar in romantic relationships. These efforts can leave partners feeling confused, unimportant, frustrated or abandoned.
Intimate relationships require balancing closeness and distance, interdependence and autonomy. Healthier relationships flow between these poles with both partners seeking either side of the spectrum at various times. However, when one partner consistently takes a position of distancing and autonomy, intimacy can suffer or become non-existent.